In an effort to make John Carter look like the success it should have been by putting it in stark relief, Constantin Films has announced another updated version of a classic Edgar Rice Burroughs hero with even more futuristic claptrap and potential for slack-faced, shirtless brooding—a 3-D motion-captured version of Tarzan, with Twilight bodysuit Kellan Lutz strapping on another bodysuit to take the lead. Lutz will star opposite a similarly motion-captured Spencer Locke as Jane, with the grim dystopian void of their dead eyes mirroring the modern world we live in, in much the same way as the plot will update Tarzan's story to make him the orphaned son of billionaire industrialists, and pit him against the evil CEO who took their place as the head of Greystoke Energies. All the refinement, in other words, that will make his primitive story palatable to our modern sensibilities, what with our intelligent phones and distaste for faces. Also in keeping with this, our contemporary existence, Constantin's Tarzan is now a competing Tarzan project to that previously announced new Tarzan trilogy from Craig Brewer, which should be good for a few "survival of the fittest/true king of the jungle" headlines, if not for actual moviegoers.
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