A.V. Club Most Read

News Newswire Great Job, Internet!
TV Club All Reviews What's On Tonight
Video All Video A.V. Undercover A.V. Cocktail Club Film Club
Reviews All Reviews Film TV Music Books
Features All Features Newswire Music Review
Sections Film Tv Music Food Comedy Books Games Aux
Our Company About Us Contact Advertise Privacy Policy Careers RSS
Onion Inc. Sites The Onion The A.V. Club ClickHole Onion Studios
Get The Latest

The Secret Life Of The American Teenager to end next year, leaving millions of kids unaware that sex leads only to death

After five seasons of preaching the dangers of premarital sex to teenagers by talking about sex in every single scene, ABC Family's The Secret Life Of The American Teenager will sex its last sex beginning in March of 2013-sex. The show was once considered the crown jewel of the network's lineup of programs in which teen girls struggle to overcome all the after-school special melodrama that life sees fit to punish them with for their sinful urges, and once featured a character saying, "Dad died a horrible death because I had incredible sex." Without that sort of weekly guidance from Shailene Woodley, Molly Ringwald et al., teens are now expected to engage in even more reckless sex, meaning there is so much death on the horizon. 

Submit your Newswire tips here.