In addition to palpitating hearts and quivering loins with its scenes of ideal, unattainable vampire sex that makes human reality so lifeless and drab in comparison, Twilight: Breaking Dawn is also apparently causing tremulous suffering of another kind. At least two audience members in separate cities have gone into seizures during the movie’s climactic birth scene, overcome by the culmination of Edward and Bella’s perfect love, and also the sequences of flashing red, black, and white images that trigger photosensitive epilepsy. In both instances the victims were male and not all that thrilled to be there: One man in Salt Lake City said he couldn’t give his name as he was afraid he’d lose his job—presumably either because he skipped work to attend the screening, or the more likely explanation that the ridicule from his colleagues would be so unbearable that he would have to quit. More positively, the girlfriend of the other reported victim, California’s Brandon Gephart, says he has now “fulfilled his duty as a boyfriend and won’t need to see any more Twilight movies with her.” So if you’re a significant other looking to get a similar reprieve, consider a spasmodic convulsion.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org