For those who failed to heed our urging to hurry up with their script pitting zombies against another thing that is not a zombie, then reap all the zombie money that is owed to you, today offers a taste of what might have been. Deadline reports that Clive Barker has been hired to stop messing around with that weird fantasy-horror hybrid stuff and get to pitting zombies against non-zombies like a normal person, specifically as the writer and director of Zombies Vs. Gladiators—a script originally pitched as part of Amazon Studios' user-generated, audience feedback-driven development slate, which facilitates the sort of thinking outside the studio system that produces only the most original ideas for things that zombies can fight.
Barker will develop the story—which you could have written if only you'd listened to us—about a shaman in the Roman Empire who unleashes history's first zombie apocalypse, though obviously far from its last. Indeed, in addition to joining the trend of mash-up movies like Cowboys Vs. Aliens, Dinosaurs Vs. Aliens, Cowboy Ninja Viking, and BaconpirateXboxwolf Vs. Helicoptercatsingingcompetition, the film adds "gladiators" to the growing list of future zombie-fighting things that are not zombies, which currently includes Brad Pitt, Jane Austen heroines, robots, and Boy Scouts. Here are some more things that could fight zombies: Surprisingly spry grandmothers. Cartoon dumptrucks. Sea otters with eating disorders. All the past and present members of Supertramp while they're singing "The Logical Song" the whole time. Zombies with another zombie sewed onto their zombie bodies. This is all just money on the table, you guys.