Confirming the Anchorman 2 marketing campaign does have some limits, ESPN has canceled tonight’s scheduled appearance by Ron Burgundy, who has officially usurped the identity of Will Ferrell. ESPN’s director of communications made the announcement over Twitter, saying the timing unfortunately coincided with the unfolding story surrounding Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston and “the potential implications of any news from the State Attorney's press conference” regarding whether Winston would be officially charged with sexual assault. It’s a great story, compelling and rich, but not particularly suited to Ron Burgundy’s brand of ironic obliviousness—even though that press conference has already concluded, and no charges were filed. Regardless, it’s still not funny.
As of now, no date has been rescheduled for him to appear, so you’ll just have to content yourself with seeing Ron Burgundy on local newscasts, hosting curling competitions, on The Dan Patrick Show, in museum exhibits, in Dodge Durango ads, in iPhone games, on cartons of ice cream, on bottles of scotch, on cans of Miller Lite, on pairs of Jockey underwear, on the cover of his autobiography, on the cover of Dog Fancy magazine, on bicycles with Daft Punk, in speeches given at universities whose department buildings currently bear his name, in the laughter of small children, in the nightmares of large hamsters, in the hazy swirl of your cappuccino, in the burnt edges of your toast, in the everlasting afterlife that awaits us all, and in Anchorman: The Legend Continues, which we hear might be coming out soon.