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Even weirder than the missing-Suri problem

So the David Hasselhoff wrist-slashing incident was a couple of weeks ago, and it's old news, right? Right? Not according to the IMDB, which just ran a follow-up news brief, breaking the riveting news that when he cut his wrist and needed medical attention at his hotel, he asked a hotel clerk for help. Whoa.

But the brief they ran was pretty bizarre. Here it is in full:

Hasselhoff Owes His Life to Swooning Hotel Clerk

David Hasselhoff owes his life to a London hotel clerk who literally swooned at his feet seconds after he accidentally slashed his wrist in a shaving accent. The Baywatch creator-turned-reality TV star severed a tendon in his right wrist after shattering a chandelier in his hotel room bathroom and had to be rushed to hospital. But he fears that if an overwhelmed clerk, who came to his aid after hearing his cries for help, had passed out in front of him, he would never have made it. He explains, "It was really early in the morning and I said, 'Help, help, please, and I went over with blood spurting everywhere, and she started to faint. I said, 'No, no, no... don't faint.' I grabbed her with my foot and I said, 'Excuse me, can you tell me the number for 911 here in London.'" Hasselhoff now has his wrist in a cast following the shaving mishap, which took place on June 29.

So wait: it was a shaving mishap in which he shattered a chandelier? What, was he trying to shave his face on the facets of the Belgian-crystal finial? Aren't chandeliers generally attached to the ceiling, out of reach of C-list celebrities? Is there something obvious I'm overlooking here because I'm getting my celebrity news from IMDB briefs instead of reading the 5,000-word Us Weekly story on the incident?

Cause I don't know, I wouldn't want to imply anything here, but "he broke a chandelier and cut himself" and "it was a shaving mishap" sound like two different cover-up stories for a slashed wrist that somehow got sloppily melded into one. I'm just sayin'. (Also, the idea of someone swooning over Hasselhoff, as the headline implies, is pretty funny, even once you realize she was probably overwhelmed by the blood, not the star power.)