In an announcement made in an official press release presumably thrown into reporters’ inboxes with a disgusted huff, Disney has confirmed that, fine, if you’re not going to shut up about a fifth Indiana Jones movie, then here’s your goddamned fifth Indiana Jones movie. And it’s already set for July 19, 2019.
And, if it makes you nostalgia-addled adult children happy (although nothing seems to make you nostalgia-addled adult children happy), they’re even bringing back Harrison Ford in the title role. This is despite the fact that—as he demonstrated basically every time he was forced to appear in public to talk about Han Solo, again—Harrison Ford would apparently rather be doing basically anything besides reprising another of his famous roles for a profit-driven, decades-late sequel. (Then again, he also signed on for the Blade Runner sequel, so maybe he’s just always like that.) He’s iconic, all right? Deal with it.
Oh, and you assholes like Steven Spielberg? Well, like he said last fall, Steven fucking Spielberg will be directing the fifth installment in your precious Indiana Jones franchise, even though he’s got better, Oscar-nominated things to do these days. And longtime Spielberg collaborators Kathleen Kennedy and Frank Marshall—whose recent credits include Star Wars: Episode VII—The Force Awakens and Jurassic World, ever heard of them?—will produce.
Yes, this was the creative team behind Raiders Of The Lost Ark. But they were also responsible for Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, and one would think that would be enough to send Indy to a life of afternoon naps and canasta at the Old Explorers Home for good. But no. You had to go and make all those Chris Pratt GIFs. Thanks a lot, internet.
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