Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, December 24. All times are Eastern.
Fox & Friends Christmas (Fox News Channel, 8 p.m.): This Christmas, remember the real reason for the season: Fox News pundits telling you endlessly between musical numbers what the real reason for the season is. We’re expecting this special to be even more of a runaway sensation than last year’s was, and if the centerpiece isn’t Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly dueting on “O Holy Night,” then we don’t even know why we’re watching television anymore. Todd VanDerWerff is home with his parents, so if he ends up having to watch this, know you have been warned.
WHAT ELSE IS ON
Dads/Brooklyn Nine-Nine/New Girl/The Mindy Project (Fox, 8 p.m.): Unlike its corporate cousin above, the Fox network is offering up a full night of Christmas comedy. (Okay, maybe that’s exactly like its corporate cousin above.) You can probably skip the first half-hour, though. Nothing to see there.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas (ABC, 8 p.m.): Watch this classic—directed by Chuck Jones from Dr. Seuss’ book, with narration by Boris Karloff—with your children (or children you just find somewhere), but turn it off immediately afterward, before they catch a single glimpse of that Jim Carrey abomination.
The Drama Queen (E!, 9 p.m.): There’s an all-new episode of this tonight. We don’t know a goddamn thing about this show, but the episode description contains several references to “momagers.” Is this a thing that we’re trying to make happen now? Will the New York Times write trendpieces about it?
E:60 2013 Stories Of The Year (ESPN2, 9 p.m.): What were the sports stories of the year? You’re about to find out ESPN’s take on that very question, and we’re guessing most of them will have something to do with the Miami Heat or New York Yankees. (Okay, Mariano Rivera made us tear up. That one counts.)
Moonshiners (Discovery, 9 p.m.): Discovery knows it will have to compete with “family time” and “opening presents a night early” and “the birth of Jesus Christ” when it comes to your hard-earned eyeballs tonight, so it’s unveiling an episode of this show called “Rival Shiners.” Well-played, Discovery.
White Collar Brawlers (Esquire, 10 p.m.): Did you know there was a show on TV where two white-collar office workers were closed in a ring and forced to fight each other? Well, we didn’t know there was either, but you can still catch its first-season finale tonight while you’re waiting for Santa to drop by.
Christmas movies (Various networks, various times): Whether it’s A Christmas Story (TBS, 8 p.m.) or It’s A Wonderful Life (NBC, 8 p.m.) or the Alastair Sim Christmas Carol (FX Movies, 7 p.m.) or Elf (Starz, 8:20 p.m.) or Christmas In Connecticut (TCM, 8 p.m.) or The Nightmare Before Christmas (MTV, 8 p.m.) or The Santa Clause movies (ABC Family, 5 p.m.) or The 12 Dogs Of Christmas (The CW, 8 p.m.) or the aforementioned Jim Carrey abomination (ABC, 8:30 p.m.) or Christmas Twister (Ion, 9 p.m.) or even Hats Off To Christmas! (Hallmark, 10 p.m.), you are not going to lack for seasonally appropriate film options this evening. Pick any one of them and watch. Especially Christmas Twister.
Dick Tracy (TMC, 8 p.m.): This weird, occasionally garish comic strip confection from Warren Beatty (who both directs and stars as the titular gumshoe) has its issues, but it’s also a surprisingly thrilling, beautiful to look at film. Worth a look if you’ve never seen it before and hate Christmas movies.
E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (TV Guide Network, 8:30 p.m.): Now Steven Spielberg’s eternal paean to the wonders of a suburban childhood and a friendship between a boy and his alien can be seen the way it was meant to be seen: immediately following a new episode of something called The Tequila Sisters.
Hawaii Bowl: Boise State vs. Oregon State (ESPN, 8 p.m.): Remember when Boise State was the feel-good sports story of the year? Yeah, that seems like a long time ago now, doesn’t it? But we expect the Broncos will be back to great things sooner or later. We have less faith in you, Beavers. Make this count.
Triathlon: Ironman World Championships (NBC Sports, 9:30 p.m.): It’s so dead tonight even the sports networks are airing repeats. Anyway, if you missed the championship rounds of this year’s Ironman Triathlon, NBC Sports has got your back. We won’t tell you who won. That would mean Googling it.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Ready For Love (April): It’s Best of TV Club time! One of the most exciting things to happen to TV Club this year was that we brought on Sonia Saraiya full time as our Assistant TV Editor. We did it because of articles like this F review of what she insists was the worst new reality show of the year. We’ll take your word for it, Sonia. We’re never watching.