Getting excited about the office Christmas party? Well, maybe you would be if life were still like the merry, misogynistic days of yore, and it promised the kind of brandy-fueled hooking-up in the janitor's closet and ass photocopying that only exists now in back issues of Playboy. Odds are, though, you'll just be sucking down store-bought eggnog and stale cheese balls while Josh Groban's Noel plays in the background, trying vainly to talk about anything that isn't work-related with a group of people you only tolerate because your paycheck depends on it. And, hey, if that's not enough to sober you up, have a glass of Friday Buzzkills! We'll see you Monday morning, bright and early.
- Because Friday Buzzkills without a writers' strike update would be like a warm cup of cocoa without those little marshmallows–you know, the kind with poison in 'em–I'm contractually bound to report that all scripted television production has officially ended in Los Angeles. The last holdouts are ABC's midseason entry Eli Stone and the that's-still-on? dramedy October Road, which will wrap within the next two weeks, and then you're pretty much looking down the barrel of a gun loaded with American Gladiators. Speaking of which, that show's official webpage went live this week so you can go ahead and peruse their bios and pick out your favorites before the action begins. I'm kind of partial to Toa, because his "tribal garb and distinctive tattoos conjure up images of an island paradise."
- The Wall Street Journal as we know it is officially no more, as Dow Jones and century-long owners the Bancroft family ceded control to News Corp. chairman and global media tycoon/future Bond villain Rupert Murdoch today. Making a speech from atop boxes of copy paper (what a man of the people!), Murdoch told employees that great changes were going to be made, beginning with an official expansion into covering more news beyond just the financial spectrum. Included with that is the idea, floated internally, of removing the Wall Street from its name. (Perhaps replacing it with Jugs? Just trying to sell papers.) Hey Rupe, if you're still in the spending spirit, there's a nice little Newswire desk here you could systematically destroy.
- Speaking of Rupert Murdoch, one of his many other holdings, the New York Post, pretty much outdid itself with this headline marking Ike Turner's passing. And those Dow Jones employees are worried that the WSJ might lose its class!
- As if he hasn't suffered enough, now comes the utterly depressing news that no one wants to buy Gary Coleman's 2007 Saturn convertible, even with a reasonable reserve price ($25,000) and a complimentary autograph (plus a mudflap!). The saddest eBay auction in the world–at least since Corey Haim's tooth–didn't receive a single bid.
Have a super weekend!
Send your Newswire tips to email@example.com