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FX and USA vie for your attention

Also: Satisfaction, You’re The Worst, Married, Dating Naked, #candidlynicole

Here’s what’s up in the world of television for Thursday, July 17. All times are Eastern. 

re The Worst (FX, 10:30 p.m.): You really are the worst, which is why we’ve chosen this one for our top pick tonight. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to the top pick—don’t you know that by now? And with FX, USA, and VH1 dumping a whole lot of new programming tonight, there are a whole bunch of things to choose from. But Youre The Worst, we like their style. Their panache. Their snark. Their satisfying use of the second-person. Their non-confusion of “your” and “you’re,” which confuses many of us, let’s be real. Molly Eichel handled the pre-air review of this; tonight, Vikram Murthi starts his weekly coverage.

Rush (USA, 9 p.m.):
This is a show about a doctor who is very rushy! He rushes from place to place. He has impeccable suits and drives fast. He is a surgeon in a hurry. He also carries large bunches of reeds around him from place to place and tosses them on the floor and says, “here, my lady, here are your rushes.” His name: Rush. His mission: Rush. His show: Rush.

Married (FX, 10 p.m.): This is another show about romantic snarkery on FX, except this one stars Judy Greer and Nat Faxon. Molly also reviewed this pre-air, and she liked it more than Youre The Worst, which leads us to conclude that SHE’S THE WORST. Dennis Perkins will review this weekly, starting tonight.

Satisfaction (USA, 10 p.m.): This abstractly named drama is USA’s new 10 p.m. offering: A marital drama that Sonia Saraiya confused herself by enjoying. Her full review after the jump, but look, don’t judge her too hard. At least, not for this. Find something else.

#candidlynicole (VH1, 10 p.m.): Real talk: We saw Nicole Richie on stage at TCAs (and for once, when we say “we,” we actually mean “we”). Most panels are three to eight people. Nicole occupied the stage alone, fearlessly. She handled the questions with alarming aplomb. Her hair was purple. We left impressed.

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.)
Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.)
Defiance (Syfy, 8 p.m.)
Rectify (Sundance, 9 p.m.)

Black Box (ABC, 8 p.m.)
Gang Related (Fox, 9 p.m.)
Rookie Blue (ABC, 9 p.m)
Dominion (Syfy, 9 p.m.)
Welcome To Sweden (NBC, 9 p.m.)
Working The Engels 
(NBC, 9:30 p.m.)
Maron (IFC, 10 p.m.)

Monty Python’s Flying Circus (1 p.m.): Zack Handlen finishes season three, starts season four, washes his hands of it all, goes to Jamaica, hangs out with libertarians, converts them to Islam, takes vows in a convent, is born at sea. This has been a lesson in commas!

Aside from Sonia Saraiya’s TV Review above on Satisfaction, she also has an 11 Questions for you—with Nia Long, erstwhile Friday star and a regular on the new show The Divide. She has a very specific sandwich she would like to name after herself.

The American Bible Challenge (GSN, 8 p.m.): Episode nine. The description never changes in TV Guide. Do you think they’re onto us?

Oprah Prime (OWN, 9 p.m.): For some reason, this is not a large robot version of Oprah destroying things before turning back into an unassuming American muscle car. We do not understand why not.

Dating Naked (VH1, 9 p.m.): The premise of this show is super complicated and hard to explain in just one go. Seriously, it’s just a lot to take in. You should probably watch the pilot, maybe a few more episodes, before really coming away saying that you understand it. It’s just too complicated to get with just one episode.

LeAnn And Eddie (VH1, 10:30 p.m.): Don’t watch this.

Leah Remini: It’s All Relative (TLC, 10 p.m.): Two episodes back to back. Description of episode one, “Lady Is A Tramp Stamp”: “Vicki wants to get a tattoo, but Leah and Shannon try to talk her out of it. Meanwhile, George has trouble with a new cash register at the restaurant.” Description of episode two, “What’s The Point, Mom?”: “Leah’s mom wants to spend more time with her, so Leah gets her to help decorate the restaurant.”

Shut Up And Do Your Homework (Your room, now): Don’t ask dumb questions, Leah Remini.

: Oh look, Wilfred! We didn’t forget about it. We just don’t know anything about it. Rowan Kaiser says, “Here, What’s On Tonight! I got you a treat! It’s a review of a show where a dog is a person! Do you get the joke!?”