G.I. Joe: Retaliation

March 29, 2013

Recalled because its lack of objects flying off the screen didn’t present enough of a choking hazard, Paramount is now prepared to launch its latest line of 3-D converted, Bruce Willis-bolstered G.I. Joes. In fact, you can even call Willis “Joe,” if you’d like—you can tell he’s based on the original issue because he looks so much older than everyone else on screen.

The latest trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation plays up other features of the G.I. Joe: Retaliation line, such as Jonathan Pryce’s U.S. President (now with interchangeable heads!) and the exploding London playset. The trailer also confirms early rumors that Channing Tatum’s Captain Duke Hauser will be issued as a limited-edition collector’s item—so smash his face into Adriane Palicki’s Lady Jaye while supplies (and the patience of your friends) last. In response, production numbers on Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s Roadblock have been increased significantly, meeting the consumer demand for wise-cracking badassery and making sure that the entire range of G.I. Joe: Retaliation products will meet its revised delivery date of March 29, 2013.