You wanted the Chang, you got the Chang. This week’s very special Taste Test offers three doses of the Internet Eating Sensation, and he has confirmed that it will be his last hurrah. Will he go out on top? (Or on the toilet?) We’ll find out with three very special videos.
First up, we challenged Chang and ad-ops heartthrob Brett to a gummi bear eating contest. But these aren’t just any gummi bears—they’re giant gummi bears, supposedly the equivalent of 90 or so regular ones. That might not sound like a lot, but when you’re racing to swallow the whole thing as quickly as possible, it can be a challenge. And they’re off.
If you didn’t watch, stop reading now, because it’s SPOILER time. That’s right: Though it was a close race, Chang was bested by Brett in this battle of gummi wills. And though he took the loss graciously, Chang wanted another immediate challenge in order to regain his title.
Luckily, the Taste Test Labs refrigerator contained a huge jar of pickled ring bologna, purchased by Jesse at a truck stop a couple of months ago. The most amazing thing about this bologna, besides the fact that it looked like one giant piece from the outside, was that it says, “refrigerate immediately upon purchase.” That might not seem strange if the bologna was purchased from a refrigerated case, but it most certainly was not. It was just out on the shelf. With no expiration date. And an admonishment to refrigerate it at some point, presumably so it wouldn’t kill you.
We couldn’t get enough people to eat the bologna to make it a proper Taste Test, and Chang and Brett’s contest quickly came to a draw, as you’ll see in the next video. So how did Chang regain the title? By voluntarily drinking a bunch of the brine that the bologna was floating in for all of those months. That’s right kids, he’s a champ. Here’s the blow-by-blow.
But that’s not all, folks. As followers of IES Chang may know, he just returned from a vacation in Thailand, where he studied boxing and bummed around. Oh, and was defeated, finally, by local food: Chang contracted salmonella. Those with queasy stomachs should not watch this next video, which is simply Chang relaying his story to the camera. There’s no more fitting finish for a career such as his. We salute you, retired champion Dave Chang. You truly were/are one of the greats.