A.V. Club Most Read

News Newswire Great Job, Internet!
TV Club All Reviews What's On Tonight
Video All Video A.V. Undercover A.V. Cocktail Club Film Club
Reviews All Reviews Film TV Music Books
Features All Features Staff Picks Newswire
Sections Film Tv Music Food Comedy Books Games Aux
Our Company About Us Contact Advertise Privacy Policy Careers RSS
Onion Inc. Sites The Onion The A.V. Club ClickHole Onion Studios
Get The Latest

God shows His mercy on NBC by bestowing The Bible sequel upon it

Looking for deliverance from its low-ratings purgatory, NBC has, like so many a desperate soul, called upon Jesus Christ in its darkest hour to raise it up by acquiring the sequel to The Bible. As was prophesied in The Bible’s stellar ratings on the History Channel and also in the Bible, the story of Christianity will continue beyond the [spoiler] death of Jesus in the original, unfolding across the 10-part NBC miniseries A.D.: Beyond The Bible. According to the press release, the sequel will pick up in the immediate days after Jesus’ resurrection, as His disciples struggle against oppression by the Roman military and political unrest in the Holy Land, all to ensure that, someday, gays won’t get married.

Should A.D. also prove to be a success, expect producers Mark Burnett and Roma Downey to make good on their promise to keep making Bible shows for the foreseeable future—all leading to The Bible In The 25th Century, where Jesus awakens from being accidentally frozen for 500 years, and assimilates to his new surroundings with the help of his robot pal and a hot lady starfighter pilot. 

Submit your Newswire tips here.