Cedar Cove (Saturday, 8 pm, Hallmark): This time last week, we might have been blown away by Hallmark commissioning its very first scripted series, but in this brave new Emmy-nominated Netflix world, we don't know what to expect anymore. There's also the fact that Cedar Cove (based on the book series of the same name) sounds exactly like what would happen if the Hallmark Channel took the best of the movies it aired and threw them all together into a single television series. Perennial 90's favorite Andie MacDowell? Check. Perennial 90's favorite Andie MacDowell playing a judge? Check. Perennial 90's favorite Andie MacDowell playing a judge named Olivia Lockhart? Oh, yeah. Check. Our Cedar Cove correspondent Carrie Raisler is so there.
Comedy Bang! Bang! (IFC, 10 p.m., Friday): While we appreciate that Aziz Ansari is probably not Tom Haverford, calling this episode "Aziz Ansari Wears a Charcoal Blazer" is just begging for a Rent a Swag reference. David Sims would like some opinions on whether he should rent or buy his swag.
Magic City (Starz, 9 p.m., Friday): The fight continues against the gambling bill while Vera comes to a realization about her dancing future. We tend to be of the opinion that all realizations about dancing futures should be set to Ginuwine's "Pony," so it's probably a good thing Will Harris has this review covered.
Borgen (LinkTV, 10 p.m., Friday): The first season comes to a tumultuous close as the prime minister tries to keep her Parliament and spouse on her side. Todd VanDerWerff had much the same problem before jetting off to Comic Con, but he'll always make time for Borgen.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Babylon 5 (11 a.m., Friday): The venerable command staff undergoes a Minbari rebirth ceremony which entails reciting "taste of it and be not afraid" before revealing their innermost secrets. We used to call that "Never Have I Ever" our sophomore year of college so frankly, we're concerned for everyone's safety. Never has Rowan Kaiser ever known us in college, for which he is truly grateful.
The Larry Sanders Show (1 p.m., Friday): This week's set of episodes kicks off with Hank spreading lesbian rumors to keep Jon Lovitz away. Kyle Ryan can't see any way this could possibly go wrong.
Wonderfalls (3 p.m., Friday): Tim Minear and Bryan Fuller team up for an episode about Jaye seeking out the first woman to go over the Niagra Falls in a barrel. If he didn't know any better, Les Chappell would suspect they stole this plot from his dream journal.
The Twilight Zone (1 p.m., Saturday): This week of the Twilight Zone has everything: atom re-arrangers, neo-Nazis, Dennis Hopper, that thing where the town elders won't let people leave because that seems to be the only job town elders ever have. Zack Handlen is grateful the A.V. Club Elders have seen fit to let him roam, but he's keeping one eye open.
Doctor Who (Classic) (3 p.m., Saturday): The Third Doctor meets The Master when he goes to an intergalactic prison. If this were a perfect world, "Intergalactic Prison" would have been Christopher Bahn's prom theme.
WHAT ELSE IS ON
Zero Hour (Saturday, 8 pm, ABC): Our own Todd VanDerWerff wondered if Zero Hour would be the next gloriously terrible television show of our time, but since it's now on Saturdays, we're going to guess notsomuch. But it features Jacinda Barrett and Cappie from ABC Family's criminally underrated series Greek so, that's something?
Being Human (Saturday, 10 pm, BBC America): We may not be checking in on this week's episode, but it features a new vampire named Crumb and we think that's just grand. Also: an employee of the month competition! We're rooting for Crumb.
The Toyman Killer (Saturday, 8 pm, Lifetime): Lifetime has a new made-for-TV movie starring a random blonde network actress (Sarah Carter of Falling Skies) as a determined woman with a mission and a gun. Either this is really your thing, or you're currently reading this sentence through a yawn. We're partial to The Craigslist Killer (we're really into Greek alumna), but we're not here to judge you.
Red (Friday, 8 pm, TNT): Despite seeing billboards for it just about everywhere, Red 2 still managed to sneak up on us. You probably don't have to watch the original to appreciate the merits of Assassin!Helen Mirren, but TNT has graciously given you the option, anyway.
Burlesque (Saturday, 8 pm, ABC Family): We respect you too much to lie to you, so here it is: We loved Burlesque. We loved Christina Aguilera doing her best Piper Perabo, we loved Stanley Tucci/Alan Cumming/Peter Gallagher grinning his way through what he knew was a campy fiasco, and we especially loved Cher beating Kristen Bell's car with a crowbar. It's not a good movie, per se, but you could do a lot worse than a splashy musical on a summer Saturday.
Knocked Up (Saturday, 8 pm, E!): We just wanted to take this opportunity to ask if E! has a contractual obligation to air Knocked Up once a day every day or alternatively, if E! has trapped Katherine Heigl in our screens, doomed to act out her least favorite movie until the end of her days. We're not sure which would be more horrifying.
What a Girl Wants/She's the Man (Saturday, 7 pm and 9 pm, MTV): Real nice, MTV. You're proving you have your finger on the pop culture pulse by airing an Amanda Bynes bloc, which will no doubt remind us of the talented, fresh-faced Bynes of yesteryear, the one who could carry breezy movies while pratfalling into Colin Firth and/or Channing Tatum with an infectious grin and excuse us while we set our DVR's, you wily bastards.
Save the Date (Saturday, 8 pm, Showtime): If there was any movie that seemed made for the Internet, it was this Lizzy Caplan/Alison Brie twofer. So if you didn't manage to tear yourself away from .gifs of them in time to catch this in theaters, Saturday's your lucky day!
Teen Beach Movie (Friday, 8 pm, Disney): "Teen surfing sweethearts Brady and McKenzie are swept into the movie musical West Side Story when they crash beneath a wave." We have no idea what to add to this, so we won't.
WWE Smackdown (Friday, 8 pm, SyFy): Sure, the results leaked online, but it's not whether you win or lose the Smackdown that matters—it's how you throw people against a pair of ropes and watch them catapult across the ring like a goddamn rubber band.
Tour de France Stage 20 (Saturday, 8 pm, NBC Sports): We're not saying we're suggesting this because Fox has the baseball lineup listed as "TBA" and seeing "Tour de France Stage 20" (20!) made us laugh an embarrassing amount, but...yes, that's what we're saying. Vive la France!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Orange is the New Black (Thursday): After all, what better way is there to celebrate Netflix's new Emmy presence than by catching up on the show that could (and should) win them some statues in 2014? Myles McNutt has the lowdown on two of the series' best episodes.