Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Tuesday, June 26. All times are Eastern.
Craft Wars (TLC, 10 p.m.): Dearest Martha: It seems like many years ago since our eyes last met, as the USS Crochet pulled away from the docks. Yet it is only tonight that the Craft Wars begin in earnest. We received our marching orders from Executive Producer Spelling this morning: Platoons of brave craft warriors will be deployed to the Michaels Craft Closet, where we must defeat a life full of dull, factory-assembled products with only a hot-glue gun at our side. A reporter, Donna Bowman, has been embedded with us to tell our story to the world. Now, we must away; the air-raid siren has been sounded, which mean yarn bombers have been sighted in the area.
MasterChef (9 p.m.): One of this week’s challenges tasks the MasterChef competitors with assembling a meal using less than $20 of ingredients, which feels less like a reality-show challenge and more like a cost-cutting measure handed down by the producers. If Phil Dyess-Nugent were on the show, he’d just buy $20 worth of pre-made food.
Frontline (10 p.m.): We’ll bet you dollars to donuts that “Dollars And Dentists” reveals some serious decay in the nation’s dental-care system… caused by donuts made of money? We’re sure Meredith Blake will come up with a better analogy than that in her review.
Workaholics (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): Death comes to Telamericorp, forcing complicated emotions on the show’s trio of men-children. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Kevin McFarland Foundation.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Dawson’s Creek (11 a.m.): The first Mike White-penned Dawson’s Creek comes across Brandon Nowalk’s desk: The Breakfast Club homage “Detention.” It’s also the first appearance of Monica Keena’s troublemaking Abby Morgan, thus sowing the seeds for that Undeclared episode where White sells Keena and Timm Sharp a jumpy cockatoo.
Six Feet Under (1 p.m.): This week in “Taking Six Feet Under episode titles literally”: The Fishers plan services for “The Invisible Woman”—but no one notices when the body goes missing! John Teti assures us that high jinks do not ensue.
WHAT ELSE IS ON
Figure It Out (Nickelodeon, 7 p.m.): Something must be wrong with our Gak-powered Nickelodeon-nostalgia meters, because the revived version of this vintage Nick staple has been on for two weeks without popping up on the What’s On Tonight? radar. The Secret Slime Action is: Admitting a glaring error.
Breaking The Magician’s Code (Biography Channel, 8 p.m.): Is the Magician’s Alliance aware that The Masked Magician is back to his old, secret-revealing tricks? Does Rollo need to tell him to say “goodbye” to his legs? Do the words “We demand to be taken seriously” mean nothing to this clown? C’mon!
Retired At 35 (TV Land, 10 p.m.): One of The A.V. Club’s least-favorite shows of 2011 was reportedly retooled during the hiatus—though it’ll take an awful lot to take the pain out of watching Jessica Walter deal with such wanting material. For instance: All of the booze consumed onscreen by Lucille Bluth and Malory Archer, which is what we promised Kevin McFarland if he reviewed the second-season première.
Our America With Lisa Lang (OWN, 10 p.m.): “Teen Mom Nation” is either a shrewd bit of counter-programming for MTV’s latest installment of Teen Mom, or a backdoor pilot to a hybrid of that aforementioned series and CBS’ short-lived, highly controversial Kid Nation. Either way, it’d get more attention that the typical OWN fare.
Holes (Starz, 7 p.m.): With Shia LaBeouf several years into his “Hollywood bad-boy phase,” enjoy this postcard from the time when people legitimately thought “That Disney Channel kid could be the next Tom Hanks.” Featuring a screenplay from the YA set’s own bad boy (not really), Louis Sachar, from his bad-boy (not really) novel of the same name.
Full Metal Jacket (Encore, 8 p.m.): So many parts of Full Metal Jacket now belong to pop culture at large (“Me so horny,” “This is my rifle, this is my gun… ,” entire pieces of R. Lee Ermey), it’s nice to be remind where they come from. Well, as “nice” as any film that produced those cultural touchstones can be.
U.S. Olympic Trials: Swimming (NBC, 8 p.m.): The Peacock Network makes such a big deal about being the broadcast home of the Olympics in non-Olympic years, you can’t begrudge the network its ability to show the auditions for the big show in London. After all, it’s the only way to get people to watch NBC without handing over money to the NFL or buying a new wardrobe for Christina Aguilera.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Hollywood Exes: Unlikely Twitter all-star Jose Canseco appears in the first episode of this new reality show—and if that’s not reason enough to watch what’s essentially The Real Housewives Who Used To Be Married To Famous Dudes, then Molly Eichel has no idea how the Internet works anymore.