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If You Wear The Twilight Jacket, You'll Totally Get An Icy, Controlling, Abstinent Vampire Boyfriend Too!


Step One in getting an abstinent vampire boyfriend is, obviously, to locate the coven of abstinent vampires in your community. (Hint: just look for the guys in your high school who look as white and sparkly as mimes who have been rolled in glitter.) Step Two is to buy the BB Dakota Twilight jacket and parade around in front of the abstinent vampires while wearing it. You'll be abandoned in a field by your icy, controlling, abstinent vampire boyfriend in no time—guaranteed!

See? Apparently the jacket is like a magnet for them. An abstinent vampire sees a girl wearing one, and he wills himself into existence just to enter into a super-controlling, sexually unfulfilling relationship with her that is so suffocating she can't even say hi to her werewolf friend at the prom without the abstinent vampire getting all threatened. Great jacket! 

But the Twilight jacket isn't the only abstinent vampire bait BB Dakota is selling.

From Marie Claire:

American fashion label, BB Dakota is releasing a Twilight-inspired range after the success of a canvas jacket designed by the young brand that Kristen Stewart wore playing love-bitten Bella.

Capitalising on the success of the film, BB Dakota reintroduced the coat last year and renamed it the Twilight Jacket making it a huge hit amongst US teenagers.

For this autumn, the brand are creating a new collection consisting of plaid shirts, skinny cords and hoodies, all revolving around the still-in-demand jacket and the outdoorsy style of Twilight's vampire-loving heroine.

Fun! After all, who wouldn't want to dress like one of the most annoying teen characters to come along in years? 

"Bella Swann wore this adorable, fitted plaid flannel shirt and she hurled herself off of a cliff so she could get a ghost glimpse of her abstinent vampire boyfriend after he dumped her and moved to Europe—and so can you!"

"Bella Swann abandoned all of her friends to hang out exclusively with an icy vampire who threw her across the room when she got a paper cut—and you can too when you wear these super-cute skinny cords!" 

"Bella Swann apparently gets paper cuts while opening birthday presents. Weirdly, that's the most interesting thing about her! When you wear this outdoorsy hoodie like Bella's, it'll be the most interesting thing about you too!"