Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, Jan. 23. All times are Eastern.
House (Fox, 8 p.m.): It’s a super-slow night on TV, with lots of stuff in reruns and two weeks left until roughly half the people you know get obsessed with Smash and give you a giant headache from how often they want to talk about it. (It’s very good, but we’re totally prepared to have the, “But not that good!” arguments!) So why don’t you all talk about the free pilot—available on iTunes!—and remember that House is back tonight, with Zack Handlen fighting the good fight in his continued coverage of the televised apocalypse.
Misfits (Hulu, 8 p.m.): We’ve long wondered what might happen if someone was given indisputable power over dairy products, and now, Misfits is going to give us a chance to find out. Rowan Kaiser would build a man out of cheese. And eat him.
Alcatraz (Fox, 9 p.m.): Judging from our numbers, quite a few of you checked out Fox’s latest jaunt into genre television. How many of you will be back? We’re waiting to find out, and Will Harris will be there to confront you with the sins of the past.
Being Human (U.S.) (SyFy, 9 p.m.): We don’t want to tell Hollywood what to do, but this would be better if it was about Count Chocula, Fruit Brute, and Boo Berry having to share an apartment. Phil Nugent would make Franken-Berry their landlord.
Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.): If the only things you need to win the latest game of Castle Bingo are “reality show setting” and “dog trainers,” well, you’d better tune into this episode to complete that card. Phil Nugent will give you a special victory hoodie.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Scrubs (11 a.m.): We were going to say that this was the only good role Brendan Fraser was ever associated with, but then we remembered a couple of other ones. And don’t tell that to Myles McNutt. He’s a huge, secret fan of the Bedazzled remake.
Justice League (1 p.m.): There’s only one thing we love more than superheroes, and that’s superheroes fighting Nazis. If we had our druthers, we’d make all of them fight Nazis. Oliver Sava’s preferred Nazi fighter? Why, Detective Chimp, of course!
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
Hart Of Dixie (The CW, 9 p.m.): Everybody’s favorite Rachel Bilson vehicle—okay, everybody’s only Rachel Bilson vehicle—comes back after an extended break. Tonight, George tries to stop a big box store from moving in. Good luck, George!
American Masters (PBS, 10 p.m.): The cultural biography series returns with a look at protest songwriter Phil Ochs, whose songs included “Draft Dodger Rag” and “The War Is Over.” It includes interviews with Sean Penn and Christopher Hitchens.
Bad Girls Club (Oxygen, 10 p.m.): We don’t really know what this show is all about, outside of the clips we see on The Soup, and the general sense we get from the title, but there’s a brand new season starting tonight, so get excited, fans! If you exist!
Caged (MTV, 10 p.m.): MTV started up a new documentary series about cage fighters, and nobody told us? C’mon, MTV! This is the kind of shit we live for, and if you’re not going to let us review it, we’re just going to have to mock it sight unseen!
Cast Away (Fox Movie Channel, 8 p.m.): Okay, so this movie isn’t the greatest thing ever—its production story is probably better than what’s on screen—but that scene on the raft (you know which one)? That scene gets us every time. Ugh. Stupid ball.
Overboard (CMT, 8 p.m.): Kurt Russell picks up amnesiac Goldie Hawn and tries to convince her she’s the mother of his four kids, in a plot that would only be greenlit by execs in the ‘80s or 2012, as they attempted to recapture the magic of the ‘80s.
Australian Open: Men’s and women’s quarterfinals (ESPN2, 9 p.m.): Want to watch some world-class tennis? Well, here’s five hours of it, starting at a time that’s vaguely convenient for those of us in the Northern and Western Hemispheres!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Downton Abbey (Sunday): Meredith Blake praises an episode that’s a return to form for the show, which had been foundering a bit. Also, we get to see people singing in an impromptu concert for convalescents. Beat that, Mad Men!