Modern Family offers wacky scrapes aplenty, just like the wacky scrapes your family gets into!

Modern Family offers wacky scrapes aplenty, just like the wacky scrapes your family gets into!

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, April 10. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.):
There’s nothing we love more than when Phil launches some wacky schemes, and tonight promises oodles of said schemes, as he attempts to unload Claire and Cameron’s house after encountering several setbacks. We’re mostly just excited that after all those months when she was sidelined by basketball or whatever, Donna Bowman is back from her gig coaching the Harlem Globetrotters’ arch-nemeses the Washington Generals to cover the show every week again. Hail, Donna!


REGULAR COVERAGE
The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.):
In an episode called “Dollar Days,” we find ourselves wondering if the show might ever do an episode based on Crazy Days or the Penny Saver or some other sort of small town way of saving a few bucks. Will Harris’ prices in comments will be so low that you’ll think he’s gone crazy!

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): Carrie Raisler loves her when this show gets into a blindside, and it sounds like the castaways are going to blindside the hell out of somebody tonight. But don’t promise her a blindside and don’t deliver on that blindside. Because she might get angry. You wouldn’t like that, would you?

Suburgatory (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): We’re not sure we’re ready to deal with the thought of Ryan leaving this show, even though we know he has to go off to college, as all fictional teenagers must eventually. Brandon Nowalk selfishly hopes he never leaves, that the two of them might cuddle forevermore.

The Americans (FX, 10 p.m.): Stan gets on the track of Gregory in an hour that sounds like it might be tense. Doesn’t that seem like a misnomer, though? If there’s one way we wouldn’t describe this show, it would be “tense.” Todd VanDerWerff and Genevieve Koski would go with “lightly sprinkled with regret.”

Nashville (ABC, 10 p.m.): It’s Todd VanDerWerff’s wife’s birthday, and he should be celebrating the fact that someone looks at him and doesn’t race away in terror. Instead, he’s going to see what happens when Avery joins Juliette’s tour as a roadie. Because that’s just what America’s been waiting to see.

Psych (USA, 10 p.m.): Now that the show has passed its 100th episode, it’s time for it to descend into a bunch of meaningless “event” episodes, like this one, in which the gang attends a wedding at a casino. Whose wedding? Probably nobody we know, but Kevin McFarland’s hoping it turns out to be his.

Southland (TNT, 10 p.m.): With just two episodes left in the season, we’re terrified that this will be the end for everybody’s favorite traditional cop show. Kevin McFarland has a contingency plan if that happens, and it involves kidnapping the cast and making them act out new adventures in his basement.


TV CLUB CLASSIC
TV Roundtable (11 a.m.):
Maybe we should have made the theme of this roundtable “Danny DeVito,” since he was in last week’s It’s Always Sunny installment and will appear in this week’s Taxi installment as well. And he sings in both! The panel is surprised to find that he actually has a lovely singing voice.

Slings & Arrows (1 p.m.): The festival finally puts on its production of Macbeth, and Geoffrey hatches an unusual scheme to ensure that Henry follows his direction in an episode that Todd VanDerWerff will attempt to argue is one of the best episodes of TV ever made. He has to do this every few months.


WHAT ELSE IS ON
Rise Of The Continents (Science, 8 p.m.):
This is really making us sad that we didn’t get a chance to pull off our “best continent” bracket last month when all the other pop culture websites were doing brackets. And we had North America seeded first and everything! It was a surefire hit generator!

Dog With A Blog (Disney Channel, 8:30 p.m.): How long will we wait before we start up regular Dog With A Blog coverage? Too long, apparently, as we’re still not covering it. Still, we can’t wait for spinoffs Cat With A Tumblr, Goldfish Still On Myspace, and Bear With An A.V. Club Commenter Account.

Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): A time capsule is opened and somehow links to a 25-year-old murder, which strikes us as a pretty cool premise for an episode of a show like this, even if it feels like it’s just CBS attempting to resurrect Cold Case, which nobody wants. Back to the grave with you, Cold Case!

Deep South Paranormal (Syfy, 10 p.m.): Seriously, is Syfy’s programming strategy literally just to take popular reality show templates, then stick ghosts in them? Because we thought we were just joking about that, and then we saw the name of this show, and we realized we might be on to something.

Click (Encore, 8 p.m.): We feel like this Adam Sandler vehicle doesn’t get enough shit for how bad it was because Sandler’s at least trying a little bit and it has Kate Beckinsale in it, wondering where her career got to between Pearl Harbor and this. But, no. It’s awful! Awful! And Sandler is awful in it! Don’t watch!

Sleuth (TCM, 8 p.m.): Watch this instead! Like many play adaptations, it’s more than a little stagey, but it makes up for that by starring Laurence Olivier and Michael Caine at the height of their powers, playing cat-and-mouse games with each other and just generally trying to fuck each other up. It’s great fun!

Swimming and diving: NCAA men’s championships (ESPNU, 8 p.m.): The NCAA swimming and diving men’s championships come to you from that hotbed city of aquatics action… Indianapolis? Don’t get us wrong. We’re sure Indianapolis has indoor pools and stuff, but does it have dolphins? We think not!


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Ready For Love (Tuesday):
Our hearts sing a little every time Sonia Saraiya writes an F review, and we were particularly pleased to see she utterly rejected this horrifying chimera of The Bachelor, Deal Or No Deal, and The Millionaire Matchmaker. But the real fun is for all of you, getting to read about it now!