As Barack Obama continues to turn a deaf ear toward the people’s plea that he intervene in the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman—likely because it has not, as yet, involved chemical weapons—the outraged can only dwell on what-if scenarios. Such as what if, like so many others before them, they’re being preemptively upset about something for which they’ve been given no concrete evidence yet to suggest was a mistake? Or, what if their anger over who’s playing Batman should be far less of a concern than who’s writing and directing him?
Or what if their concerns over who’s playing a superhero somehow don’t merit this level of attention and scorn, when that time and energy could be better directed toward more important matters, such as building tiny houses for the world’s abandoned guinea pigs? Tiny, unwanted guinea pigs shivering in the rain, all because you were busy designing a “NO BATFLECK” T-shirt. Hungry pups search their mother’s eyes pleadingly, but it becomes all too clear there’s no help coming. By morning, she will have eaten three of them.
One of the less heartbreaking and bloody what-if scenarios involves Josh Brolin playing Batman—something first acknowledged back when the Internet was just churning out random lists of men, but now officially confirmed by Brolin himself. Brolin, who was recently in front of recording equipment and therefore legally obligated to comment on Batman, told The Huffington Post he was actually mentioned in the casting conversation, though it didn’t get much further than that.
Still, given the response to Affleck, Brolin is understandably at peace with not being the person the Internet hates the most right now, even more than the guy who helped Spike Lee remake Oldboy. “I've never seen such a global reaction in my life,” Brolin said. “I feel for him, truly. I would not want to be him right now. The reaction becomes so personal. It's like, 'Fuck this guy, I wish he was dead.' And you're like, 'What? Dude, seriously? This guy is just working like you are. He's doing the same thing you are. He's trying to make the best choices he can.'” Though clearly Brolin is ignoring that, well, no one else on the Internet starred in Daredevil 10 years ago, and therefore he should die.
Anyway, although Brolin suggested “another scenario might have worked better” (such as one where Brolin played Batman, and the guinea pigs were allowed to live), he ultimately offered Affleck his endorsement, saying, “I want him to kick ass and I want everyone to love it and kind of eat their words.” Which is definitely what will happen, as the Internet is nothing if not the haven of reasonable people who readily admit when they were wrong.
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