Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Thursday, November 1. All times are Eastern.
Childrens Hospital/NTSF: SD: SUV:: (Cartoon Network, midnight): Adult Swim’s premier quarter-hour spoofs earn their merit badges in genre work and canceled-procedural parody tonight: Childrens temporarily shifts the larfs to the courtroom, while the NTSF finale enlists Parks And Recreation’s Aubrey Plaza for a bit based on CBS’ canceled-then-uncanceled cop show, Unforgettable. “You’re out of order!” shouts David Sims. “This whole court is out of order—I can remember the exact order it was in before, for I am The Rememberer!” cries Kevin McFarland in response.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): We’ve all been there before: A mean competitive streak threatens a friendship with a world-famous theoretical physicist. For Sheldon, it’s a Words With Friends disagreement with Stephen Hawking; for Oliver Sava, it was a tense game of Guesstures with Leonard Susskind. (How could he miss “string theory”?)
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8 p.m.): Elena’s still learning the vampire ropes, with this week’s rope being “searching for a victim at a frat party.” Carrie Raisler suggests taking out the guy loaded the party’s playlist with Dave Matthews Band and Sublime tracks. He won’t be missed.
Person Of Interest (CBS, 9 p.m.): Those sneaky reporters: Show interest in one and they’re bound to try to turn your secret, crime-preventing, Social Security Number-generating machine into their next big scoop. Film at 11, after Phil Dyess-Nugent delivers your weekend weather forecast.
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.): Holmes is on the trail of a murderer preying on victims that are already close to death. Maybe this homicidal culprit could share some tips with that newly vampiric Nina Dobrev up there—it’s a crossover Myles McNutt would certainly watch.
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX, 10 p.m.): The gang’s latest get-rich-quick scheme involves getting with the rich—if you catch our drift. You know: Getting to know them, in the Biblical sense. Emily Guendelsberger sees our “wink, wink” and raises a “nudge, nudge.”
The League (FX, 10:30 p.m.): Having the good fortune to end up romantically linked to Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler continues paying off for Laguna Beach/The Hills star Kristin Cavallari, who does a guest shot in “The Breastalyzer.” Which is funny, because Margaret Eby’s pretty sure she read that term in a TMZ headline about Cavallari once.
TV CLUB CLASSIC
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (11 a.m.): Exposed to potentially lethal amounts of radiation, Chief Miles O’Brien becomes The Atomic Engineer, able to speed up and slow the time stream like the wheels of a locomotive—with the help of otherwise lethal amounts of radiation. You may remember Zack Handlen as the previous incarnation of The Atomic Engineer (see Secret Origins Of The A.V. Club #14).
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
The 46th Annual CMA Awards (ABC, 8 p.m.): On a very special three-hour Nashville, Rayna and Juliette clash over the show-closing performance on country music’s biggest night. Meanwhile, will the entire event be shut down so Lamar can bulldoze the Bridgestone Arena in an insane bid to get his baseball stadium built?
Project Runway All Stars (Lifetime, 10 p.m.): We were so disappointed with the way season 10 of Project Runway: Original Formula fizzled out we totally missed that a new all-star season has begun. And yet, this exists not to avenge Fabio’s loss from a couple of weeks ago?
Nissan GT Academy (Spike, 11:30 p.m.): In an unprecedented show of corporate cooperation, the automaker helps promote Sony’s increasingly true-to-life driving sim Gran Turismo by elevating the game’s best player to the level of professional race-car driver. A professional race-car driver covered in Nissan and Playstation logos, presumably.
Reality Show (Showtime, 11:30 p.m.): Having made premium cable’s best drama about the surveillance society, Showtime now presents a dark comedy about a reality-show producer who hits upon his next big hit by snooping on an unsuspecting family. “Very prescient,” you just said to yourself, before adjusting your seat. (No, we’re not watching you… why would you think that? By the way, you’re using “prescient” incorrectly.)
The Others (Flix, 8 p.m.): Nicole Kidman moves her family into a haunted house, only to find out [dun dun duhhh!] she’s been on Earth the whole time! And [dun dun duhhh!] Darth Vader’s her dad! And [dun dun duhhh!] To Serve Man Is A Cookbook! (Which is to say, there’s a twist a-comin’.)
Bullit (TCM, 9:45 p.m.): Having seen the Giants celebrate their second World Series championship in three years, TCM enlists Steve McQueen to shows the ballplayers the proper way to show you’re awesome on the streets of San Francisco.
College Football: Virginia Tech at Miami (ESPN, 7:30 p.m.): This is one of those weeks when The U really ought to consider changing its nickname. (Because the game that was originally featured in this slot was canceled because of a hurricane.) “The Fighting Ibises” isn’t going to cut it—how about the “The Guys Trying To Avoid Dropping Four Straight To The Hokies”?
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
30 Rock: Here’s an instance where this heading is totally legit—due to a Sandy-inspired shuffling of NBC’s primetime deck, the conclusion of the show’s presidential two-parter aired a day early. Luckily, Pilot Viruet was prepared, and she can tell you which candidate unwindulaxed his way to the White House on Earth-30 Rock.