Saturday Night Live is old enough to be your father

Saturday Night Live is old enough to be your father

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, September 14, and Saturday, September 15. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
Saturday Night Live (NBC, 11:30 p.m., Saturday): America’s favorite late-night comedy/sketch/variety show that airs on Saturday nights returns for the first episode of its 38th season. That’s considerably older than reviewer David Sims, who plans to spend the season kicking the show and saying, “Hey! Defend yourself, old man!” Even if that fails, though, we’re sure he’ll enjoy this season premiére, which is hosted by Seth MacFarlane and features Frank Ocean as a musical guest. David finds one of those things considerably more exciting than the other. Guess which one! (Remember: Our reviews go live at 1 p.m. Eastern on Sundays.)


REGULAR COVERAGE
Boss (Starz, 9 p.m., Friday): Tom Kane’s symptoms have gotten so bad that he’s having trouble telling the difference between hallucinations and reality. Sonia Saraiya thinks the show has been so inconsistent this season that she’s not sure which episodes are real and which ones she’s making up.

Gravity Falls (Disney Channel, 9:30 p.m., Friday): It’s time for the first new episode in a few weeks, as a video game fighter comes to life to defend Dipper. Alasdair Wilkins hopes that the fighter who comes to life is Dhalsim, but he’d settle for Balrog in a pinch. Just no Ryu. That guy sucks, and everyone knows it!

Strike Back (Cinemax, 10 p.m., Friday): One of the characters aims to turn South Africa into a world superpower. That’s a stretch, but we’re thinking it’s more likely than Myles McNutt’s plan to turn his native Canada into a superpower, or even a country that can guard its strategic maple syrup reserves.

Lost Girl (Syfy, 10 p.m., Friday): Here’s another thing we have to thank Canada for: a bloated second season of a solid little genre show, one that took something that was fun in its first season and blew it up just because it could. Kevin McFarland will never trust someone from Newfoundland ever again.

Doctor Who (BBC America, 9 p.m., Saturday): Steven Moffat loves to put Matt Smith in a cowboy hat, so the Doctor heads for a Western town this week, that he might defend it from an angry cyborg. Keith Phipps didn’t want to make things awkward, but that’s basically what he did on his last family vacation.


TV CLUB CLASSIC
The X-Files/Millennium (1 p.m., Saturday): Zack Handlen is reviewing the classic ­X-Files riff on Groundhog Day, “Monday.” Zack Handlen is reviewing the classic ­X-Files riff on Groundhog Day, “Monday.” Zack Handlen is reviewing the classic ­X-Files riff on Groundhog Day, “Monday.” And an episode of Millennium.

Pulling (3 p.m., Saturday): Margaret Eby reaches the end of this series, checking in with the holiday special that had to stand in for the third series that was never ordered. Did we tell you she would be doing this last week? Yes, we did. Were we liars when we did that? Yes, we were. Are we sorry? No.


WHAT ELSE IS ON
Cyberstalker (Lifetime Movie Network, 8 p.m., Friday): A woman is terrorized by an online stalker who murdered her parents. This is one of those things nobody ever mentions when talking about the dangers of social networking: It makes it much easier for the people who murdered your parents to find you.

Shark Tank (ABC, 8 p.m., Friday): The sharks debate whether to invest in a belt buckle that doubles as a drink holder. We don’t know what the debate’s all about, honestly. If you see a belt buckle that doubles as a drink holder, you make that deal, and you make it right away. We’ll probably review this. Maybe.

Touch (Fox, 8 p.m., Friday): We weren’t very big fans of this one, but we’ll admit the plot summaries are agreeably kooky. To wit: “After Martin’s car breaks down in the place where he got his first job as a reporter, he risks losing an old friend when he suspects his mentor is part of something illegal.” Wacky!

Great Performances (PBS, 9 p.m., Friday): Two or three of you asked for it, so we’re going to deliver! Phil Dyess-Nugent sat down and watched the whole of Wagner’s Ring Cycle, and all he’s got to show for it are a bunch of words without a single “fat lady sings” joke. And he wanted to make one so badly!

Dog Whisperer (National Geographic Wild, 8 p.m., Saturday): After nearly 150 episodes, Cesar Milian brings his show to a close. Which unanswered questions will be answered in the series finale? We’ll probably learn what Scarlett Dog-hansson whispered to Bill Doggie at the end of Dogs In Translation.

Pegasus Vs. Chimera (Syfy, 9 p.m., Saturday): The TV Guide description for this made-for-TV movie explains the film thusly: “A battle between Pegasus and Chimera unfolds.” We’re really thankful that publication could clear that up for us, because, to be honest, we didn’t get that from the title.

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (AMC, 8 p.m., Friday): Listen. If we all pull together, we can bring the aliens to visit us. If we all agree that at 3 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, we’re going to sing the five notes together, wherever we are, then the aliens will come and give us all their sparkly spaceships.

When A Stranger Calls (Encore, 8 p.m., Friday): So, we’ve never seen this movie, but we’re going to guess by the law of “horror remakes of the ‘00s” that it wasn’t good. However, we wanted to take this opportunity to ask you all something: Whatever happened to Camilla Belle? Did she simply disappear?

Sunrise (TCM, 8 p.m., Saturday): If you doubt that this silent film classic is one of the greatest films ever made, all you need to know is that its subtitle is A Song Of Two Humans. Yes, that sounds a little pretentious and goofy, but doesn’t it also sound kind of awesome? You know you think it does.

IndyCar Racing: Qualifying in Fontana, California (NBC Sports: 7:30 p.m., Friday): We’re mostly just including this because we like IndyCar Racing just fine, particularly the series by Papyrus Games, but also because we’ve been to Fontana, and it’s much better to just watch it on TV. Trust us on this one.

College Football: Texas at Mississippi (ESPN, 9:30 p.m., Saturday): These two teams last met in 1966, which is sort of surprising to us. Texas has a 5-1 lead in the historical series, but we’re guessing that won’t have a lot of bearing on the first game in 46 years. Or maybe it will. Look out, Ole Miss!


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Project Runway (Thursday): “I dunno, guys. I’m really busy with Gameological Society,” John Teti said. “C’mon!” we said. “I don’t know. Six Feet Under is over, but do I want to stay up so late on Thursdays?” he said. “C’mon!” we said. Eventually, the reason found in our arguments won young Mr. Teti over.

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