Hoping to prevent her from becoming some sort of tantalizing symbol of secularist liberation, Islamic extremists put a stop to a sold-out Lady Gaga concert in Indonesia, thereby ensuring the loyalty of a surely grateful people through staunch fundamentalist oppression. The show had become a target of the violence-prone Islamic Defenders Front, who decried Gaga's attempts to "corrupt the youth" with her "sexy clothes and provocative dance moves" while branding her a "messenger of the devil," whose forked tongue tempts the righteous with generic platitudes about being yourself, and other evils. After the group claimed to have purchased more than 150 tickets to the show in order to "wreak havoc" from inside the stadium, authorities pulled the show's permits, avowing they would only reconsider if Gaga agreed to "tone down her act." Faced with putting on a performance defined only by her music, Gaga instead canceled entirely, making her something of a martyr—though thankfully, it's not as though that region is particularly prone to lionizing martyrs.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org