In news that threatens to drain tweeting America’s precious wordplay reserves (“What a Bomb(shell)!” “Anjelica Hust-oh no! What a Debra Mess-ing!” “Smash? More like Thud! #morelikethud”), the second-season première of Smash bowed to 4.5 million viewers last night, scoring a 1.1 rating among adults under 50. So not as bad as Do No Harm, but significantly worse than the last Smash première, a series debut that took a Voice lead-in to 11.44 million viewers and a 3.8 rating in the advertiser-preferred 18-49 demographic. Overnight data from Nielsen ranks the two-hour première below every other offering in the 9 o’clock and 10 o’clock hours, save for the series finale of Emily Owens M.D., a show that’s been dead for nearly two months. And thus ends hate-watching’s brief, trend-piece aided reign as The Future of Television; you are now advised to find some other innocuous object that has no real effect on your daily life at which to direct unbridled, unfiltered online rage. Apricots, maybe. Apricots: What an asshole fruit, right? And what’s with all the scarves, apricots?
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