Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Sunday, February 24. All times are Eastern.
85th Annual Academy Awards (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): Wow, just—wow. We can’t believe we’re up here! First, we’d like to thank our friends and family—look at your little man now, mom! It’s honestly such a shock just to be nominated, and we wouldn’t be here without the people liveblogging the whole Oscar ceremony: Marah Eakin, Genevieve Koski, Noel Murray, Nathan Rabin, Tasha Robinson, Scott Tobias, and Todd VanDerWerff. You people are the real heroes—you have to tolerate Seth MacFarlane for three hours!
The Walking Dead (AMC, 9 p.m.): Zack Handlen, we know you’re watching Rick and company figure out if they’re leaving the prison—and let’s not pretend like that argument won’t last a few more weeks [Laughter.]—but when you read this later, know that this victory couldn’t happen without you!
Girls (HBO, 9 p.m.): And how about Todd VanDerWerff, ladies and gentlemen? [Applause.] Double TV Club duty tonight! We mean, it helps that he has “Video Games” on a screener, so he already worked out all of his thoughts on Hannah and Jessa’s road trip hours ago…
Shameless (Showtime, 9 p.m.): Joshua Alston, thank you for your tireless critical commitment to Showtime’s Sunday-night offerings, even when they’re Dexter—or when they’re a Shameless twist engineered to give William H. Macy more screentime. Is Bill Macy in the house? Let’s hear a round of applause for that guy, too! [More applause than Todd was given.] “The heck do ya mean?” Best in the biz, Bill! Best in the biz!
Enlightened (HBO, 9:30 p.m.): We promised ourselves we wouldn’t use this time to get political, but seriously, people—the cast and crew of Enlightened could really use your help. We cannot stand idly by while HBO twiddles its thumbs and delays a third-season renewal. Follow the lead of people like Brandon Nowalk and throw your support behind this worthy cause!
TV CLUB CLASSIC
The Simpsons (Classic) (3 p.m.): Of course, we can’t forget about the people and shows that blazed a trail for us to get to this moment—like Nathan Rabin and vintage-era Simpsons. “Homer And Apu” and people who review “Homer And Apu” make this world a better place.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
Countdown To The Red Carpet: 2013 Academy Awards (E!, 1:30 p.m.): Speaking of—how about those intrepid E! staffers who’ve been outside the Dolby Theatre since late this afternoon? What a commitment to the art of the motion picture and the pseudoscience of fashion and/or award prognostication!
Silver Rush (Discovery, 8 p.m.): You know, people always ask if we can tell if a project is going to be the right project from the very beginning, and sometimes you don’t—sometimes it’s like trawling shipwrecks for silver in a three-part Discovery Channel miniseries. But when you find that silver… well, the only feeling that could beat that is the feeling we’re feeling right now.
Dog With A Blog (Disney, 8 p.m.): [Orchestra starts up.] Oh, jeez, really? Already? Guess we’ve been rambling! Can’t wait to hear what Stan the blogging dog has to say about this—once he’s finished tracking down one of his missing owners, that is! Just kidding Stan—we love you! There’s no better online canine! [Audience “aww”s]
Container Wars (TruTV, 10:30 p.m.): We should probably thank the Academy, too—know that this means so so so so so so very much to us, and that we’ll always treasure this award and the moment it represents. You’ll never be flipping through the channels and see it turn up as the hidden gem in a season finale of TruTV’s Storage Wars rip-offs, that’s for sure!
Jaws (Cinemax, 7:50 p.m.): [Music swells.] Oh man, running out of time—and still so much to say! Let’s all remember that this night isn’t about any single film or performer, but rather the magic of the movies—an art form that can make you believe a mechanical shark is terrorizing an entire oceanside community…
Tootsie (TCM, 8 p.m.): …or that Dustin Hoffman could feasibly pose as a Southern actress and no one would question it for 116 minutes! [Laughter, largely drowned out by violins.] Oh! We just realized this win puts us in the same league as Jessica Lange! We should start brushing up on our rendition of “The Name Game”!
NHL Hockey: Lightning at Penguins (NBC Sports, 7:30 p.m.): [Music at a deafening roar.] And remember, no matter who comes out on the top tonight, we’re all winners! Except for Sidney Crosby, because nobody likes that guy! [Music grows louder and louder as the stage is cleared. Cut to crane shot of full auditorium. Cue announcer voiceover.]
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Portlandia: “Who will win the award for Best Use of ‘Argo Fuck Yourself’? How many more times will someone jokingly say ‘The “D” is silent’? We’ll find out, plus a tribute to the Manic Pixie Dream Girl from Chloë Sevigny and the Dennis Perkins Dancers, when The A.V. Club’s coverage of the 85th Academy Awards continues!” [Cut to commercial.]
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson ignores multiple crises in order to get a gallon of milk: You’ve seen this a million times already. Go get some more chips or something. Or switch over to Enlightened.