You correctly answered Marc Summers’ trivia questions. You mastered Pie In The Pants and left your opponents with egg on their faces during Egg On Your Face. You found every flag along the obstacle course, never once slowing down to think about how filthy the Clam Dip is. And now, the spoils of victory: 10 minutes and 44 seconds of fabulous Double Dare prizes, expertly stitched together by the VHS excavators of Everything Is Terrible.
Luxuriate in the most comfortable, most stylish in 1990s footwear. Marvel at the folly of forgotten consumer-electronics manufacturers like Aiwa, Vivitar, and Lasonic. Get lost in the pummeling swirl of Edd Kalehoff’s theme music, punctuated by the excitable voice of a man known simply as “Harvey.” Think about where stage assistant Robin Marella wound up—wherever it is, is she as happy as she appeared to be while playing those various Sportcraft tabletop games? Where did the time go? Why are you seven minutes into a montage of Double Dare prize presentations? Why didn’t a younger version of yourself use their seven minutes to fill out a postcard and enter to win the Nickelodeon Super Toy Run? (Did you send in a postcard and win the Nickelodeon Super Toy Run? If so, several A.V. Club staffers will fight for the honor of interviewing you for Expert Witness.) But that’s not important right now, because Harvey is filling your head with beautiful visions of camcorders, boxy American automobiles, and Franklin’s amazing Wordmaster.
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