Here’s what’s up in the world of television for Monday, July 14. All times are Eastern.
24: Live Another Day (Fox, 9 p.m.): It’s Bastille Day! Le quatorze julliet! The blood of the martyrs will water the meadows of France!! (Wait, that’s a quote from Les Miserables. But it could be a quote from the Marseillaise, which is totally fucking nuts. Let’s investigate:
Aux armes, citoyens
Formez vos bataillon
Qu’un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons!
which, translated, approximates to
To arms, citizens
Form your battalions
Let’s march, let’s march!
Let an impure blood
Water our furrows!
So you can see how we made that mistake about the blood of the martyrs watering the meadows of France—so easy to confuse that with enemy blood watering our plowed fields. Anyway the point of all of this is that Bastille Day is kind of tonally appropriate for 24, which may also be about watering plants with blood, you know, on some macro level.) Jack Bauer says: It’s finale time. The day comes to an end, and Jack has to make “an unthinkable and grave” decision. Like whether or not to continue this experiment for another season, or just let Jack Bauer (and his legend) die out.
Backpackers/Seed (The CW, 8:30 p.m./9:30 p.m.): The CW is all like, hey, lets produce some comedies and punctuate them with reruns of Whose Line Is It Anyway? because that is a surefire way to spice up any good old-fashioned Bastille Day! (Especially because one is about a sperm donor!!) We are terrified by this monolith, but fortunately, Myles McNutt investigated the premieres of both for us, and his review is here.
Going Deep With David Rees (National Geographic, 10 p.m.): And this is a thing that is happening also, presumably also to celebrate Bastille Day, because why else would National Geographic introduce a show with sexual innuendo in the title unless they were honoring the storming of the Bastille? (Probably because they’re trying to get more viewers in the coveted 18-34 demographic by using a cute comedian who promises to investigate things like how to tie shoes because what if you never learned it right? But that makes just as little sense to us. Josh Modell has the pre-air scoop on this one, here.)
ELSEWHERE IN TV CLUB
In addition to our two TV Reviews linked above, the ghost of Todd VanDerWerff returns to The A.V. Club with an Expert Witness interview with Allan Murray, a warm-up comedian who makes live audiences sound energetic and amused during live show tapings. It is a weird job. And if that doesn’t grab you, a bunch of staffers made a list of adults who convincingly played teenagers. Oh yeah, we definitely included Taylor Kitsch.
WHAT ELSE IS ON?
The Bachelorette (ABC, 8 p.m.): Andi and the three remaining bachelors go to the Dominican Republic, where they all ride horses. Andi eliminates one based on how well or not well he rides a horse. Andi is a discerning woman.
Hitler’s Riches (Smithsonian, 8 p.m.): “What Hitler’s last will and testament says about him.”
The Real Housewives Of Orange County (Bravo, 9 p.m.): Tempers flare during Lizzie’s dinner party. The Darcys and Bingleys never did get along.
Idris Elba: King Of Speed (BBC America, 10 p.m.): IDRIS ELBA, KING OF SPEED. IDRIS ELBA, KING OF SPEED. HAIL, ALL HAIL! Idris Elba tracks the origins and history of underground racing. This appears to be a premiere of a series where Idris Elba will visit places important to cars and drive in them occasionally, while interviewing people about driving fast, while driving fast. At least one part includes going to Detroit. Do you think if we discuss Elba enough he will decide to marry us? Dear Idris Elba, please marry us, let What’s On Tonight be your Queen Of Speed.
CeeLo Green’s The Good Life (TBS, 10:30 p.m.): “CeeLo and his Goodie posse land in Atlanta for some rest and relaxation, but business comes calling when a stand-up gig is set up for CeeLo.”
Home Run Derby (ESPN, 8 p.m.): Hmm. So what it appears is happening is that a whole bunch of people descend to Minneapolis to see sluggers hit the balls very far, hopefully so that they can run around in a circle. We are curious about what, where, and how is Minneapolis.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Masters Of Sex: Hey, this came back tonight, with Gwen Ihnat on the task of reviewing it weekly. She loved it, as did Sonia Saraiya, when she reviewed it. So what did you think? How could you not love it??