It's March, so it's time for ABC to ritually sacrifice Happy Endings

It's March, so it's time for ABC to ritually sacrifice Happy Endings

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, March 7. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK
Happy Endings (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): It’s March, which means it’s time for ABC to take some poor comedy it likes with low ratings and abandon it to get even lower ratings without a Modern Family lead-in, so it can then give that lead-in to some other comedy it has on the bench. This year, the comedy is the one that was the beneficiary of such a strategy last year, and that’s Happy Endings, which might be TV’s most purely funny show. Anyway, David Sims is very excited that the episode description says, “Alex and Jane try to convince Dave he’s wrong about an event that might have occurred,” because everybody was waiting for said event to occur.


REGULAR COVERAGE
American Idol (Fox, 8 p.m.): We’re down to the dirty business of having people sing, only to eliminate them, which is what America’s all about, right? Claire Zulkey wants to amend all history textbooks to say the American Revolution voted Founding Fathers off one at a time and also Assassin’s Creed was there.

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): Tonight’s episode is entitled “Bum-Puzzled,” which, really, doesn’t make a lot of sense, but we guess it looks like it should be clever, if you stare at it just right. Really, Carrie Raisler knows it’s probably just something somebody says offhandedly, and we shouldn’t worry so much.

America’s Next Top Model (The CW, 9 p.m.): Last week, the British people arrived, and Margaret Eby mostly enjoyed herself. This week, we see if they can continue to entertain us, or if we’re going to have to kick them out of our country via either voting them off one by one or, alternately, assassins.

Psych (USA, 10 p.m.): Strange things are going on in Lassiter’s condo, so he hires Shawn and Gus to get to the bottom of them. Man, this sounds like the premise of some sorta buddy cop comedy or something, doesn’t it? These guys should consider making it into a series. Kevin McFarland agrees.


TV CLUB CLASSIC
Avatar: The Last Airbender (11 a.m.): One of today’s episodes is called “The Puppetmaster,” which means that we’ve had to spend all week having Hayden Childs walking around and screeching in our ears, “I AM THE PUPPETMASTER!” Which would be annoying if it weren’t true. Please free us, Hayden!

Carnivàle (1 p.m.): What up, Lonnigan, Texas? We’re here from the world’s most mystically inclined carnival to let you know that there’s nothing you can do to stop the vague signs and portents of a coming war between light and dark from coming. Nor can you stop Todd VanDerWerff from reviewing!

Alias (3 p.m.): It’s almost time for the terrific, two-hour season finale to this season, but first, we have to get through these two episodes. Not that they’re bad or anything like that! In the meantime, if you’ve enjoyed Ryan McGee’s work here, consider reading these, as we’d hate to have to cancel this one again.


WHAT ELSE IS ON
I Am Bruce Lee (Spike, 9 p.m.): Take a look at the martial arts legend, with the usual documentary style of archival footage and talking-head interviews. Way to break the mold, Spike TV! (Actually, has that sentence ever been said non-sarcastically? We’re going to guess the answer is no.)

My Crazy Obsession (TLC, 10 p.m.): Do you have a collection of something that’s a.) large and b.) unusual, to the point where people look at you oddly? Have you ever said to yourself, “Hey, I wish a reality show would come along and exploit me like one of those hoarders!” Well, you’re in luck!

Revenge For Real (ABC, 10 p.m.): Stranded without new episodes of its hit primetime soap, ABC has just gone all in on making news specials that purport to be vaguely about the same thing, then slapping them in the same timeslot. Just be pleased the network didn’t try to do this when Lost was still on.

Slice Of Brooklyn (Travel, 10 p.m.): We’ve been wondering what the best pizza in Brooklyn is for a while now, and instead of consulting any of our friends who live there or consulting Yelp, we hoped and hoped someone would create a Travel Channel series about this ultra-specific question. Well, we’re in luck!

The Kids Are All Right (MoMax, 7:15 p.m.): This Lisa Cholodenko film isn’t our favorite thing ever, but it’s worth it all for the scene where Annette Bening figures something crucial out, then sits at a dinner table and slowly lets that revelation sink in, glaring at the others around that table. Truly awesome.

Wendy And Lucy (Sundance, 8 p.m.): Kelly Reichardt and Michelle Williams began their partnership—which will hopefully be long and last many, many years—with this film, in which a poor woman and her dog, bound for Alaska, get stuck in a small Oregon town and face down a myriad of problems.

College Lacrosse: Manhattan at Johns Hopkins (ESPNU, 7 p.m.): Lacroooooooossssssse, motherfuckers! We’re so psyched for this one! We’re hopeful that Johns Hopkins “Johns”—Greeley and Kaestner—can score at will, and we’re betting coach Dave Pietramala has some tricks up his sleeve! Go, Blue Jays!


IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
Breaking In (Tuesday): Fox’s comedy was canceled, then uncanceled, largely thanks to some woman who writes for Deadline always harping on about it all of the time. But here we are, writing about the show, so we clearly haven’t learned our lesson. Kevin McFarland checks out how Megan Mullally fits in.