Just as it was foretold in the Book Of Inevitabilities, so shall it be: The New York Times' Media Decoder reports that Warner Bros. officially fired Charlie Sheen from Two And A Half Men today, making the announcement via curt press release:
“After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on 'Two and a Half Men' effective immediately.”
No elaboration needed, the WB seemed to understand, because the world is all too aware of Sheen's downward spiral into rock-bottom #winning. (As Joel McHale said on last week's episode of The Soup, "Merry Christmas, entertainment media!") There's no word about the future of CBS' insanely popular and profitable show; TMZ reports that Warner Bros. hasn't decided if the show will continue.
Don't worry about Sheen's unemployment and how it will affect that pending sale of a new house. He'll be fine—in fact, he's hiring. The latest company to jump on the Sheen Despair-O-Wagon is Internships.com, which proudly announced today that Sheen is using the service—"the world's largest internship marketplace that enables every student, employer and educator to better understand and optimize internship opportunities"—to find a social-media intern for the summer.
This unique internship opportunity will allow a hard-working, self-motivated, creative, resourceful and social media savvy individual to work closely with Charlie Sheen in leveraging his social network. The internship will focus on executing a social media strategy that will build on the success Charlie Sheen has attained in setting the Guinness World Record for the fastest time to reach one million followers on Twitter. The #TigerBloodIntern is expected to be proactive, monitor the day-to-day activities on the major social media platforms, prepare for exciting online projects and increase Charlie’s base of followers.
Amazingly, it doesn't specify that applicants must include their measurements with their résumés. (Here's your opportunity to theorize what kind of skills Sheen's intern must possess. Go!)
Do you think Sheen's firing is the end of all of this? Good, because we all know this is just the start of a new, depressing chapter. As actor/comedian Dave Holmes put it so well, "This is just like during WWII when people would gather around the radio for the latest news from the front, except we are all terrible."