Rapper Ja Rule—known for appearing on songs by the likes of Ashanti and Jennifer Lopez, then rapping in a hoarse voice that sounded like he’d been up all night shouting at them through a closed bedroom door—will bring a new version of all that to a new MTV reality series. The show will be titled Follow The Rules, both because his fake last name is Rule, and because it will find Ja Rule meting out parental discipline to his three children, and possibly to his wife and two mothers-in-law. Like his past radio hits, presumably these people will be minding their own business, and then Ja Rule will stumble in and start barking about how he’s awesome, in a tenor typically directed at noisy garbagemen. “Holla!” he might add. Confused dogs will come running.
“Ja Rule is the modern day reality rap star version of Bill Cosby’s role from The Cosby Show,” said an MTV executive who just kept talking like that while no one said anything. This executive also used the word “fresh.”
In another official statement that was actually released, Rule promised of his show, “Family tradition will never be the same bitch… Lmao!!!” This was accompanied by a clip in which Ja Rule suggests he might shoot one of his daughters’ boyfriends and begs them not to land him in prison again, which is not the usual family tradition, you’re right. Lmao.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org