Look, we’ve all been enjoying these various opportunities to pick apart every little detail that comes out about Star Wars VII: Dawn Of Space Justice—like that it will have sand and it won’t have Wedge—but it’s time to get serious. The constant chatter about this stuff is distracting poor old J.J. Abrams, who is trying very hard to make a good movie that will probably disappoint all of us, and he wants it to stop.
The straw that broke the tauntaun’s back was apparently the leaked photos TMZ posted recently that seemed to indicate that the Millennium Falcon—fastest ship in the galaxy, able to make the Kessel Run in blah blah blah—would appear in the new movie. J.J. Abrams himself took to his production company Bad Robot’s Twitter account today to jokingly set the record straight and reveal that some leaked set photos don’t necessarily mean what they seem to.
“I wish people would stop leaking photos from Episode VII,” Abrams wrote, “And making ridiculous claims that the Millennium Falcon is in the movie.” The message appeared on a notecard signed by Abrams and photographed from the Star Wars set, with what appears to be a Dejarik holochess board in the background. Dejarik, of course, is what C-3PO and Chewbacca played in A New Hope when they were onboard the Millennium Falcon (the “let the Wookiee win” scene), but that information is obviously irrelevant, because the Millennium Falcon isn’t in Star Wars VII. J.J. Abrams said so, and he would never lie to us. Again.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org