J.J. Abrams just wants to make Star Wars feel real, baby

J.J. Abrams just wants to make Star Wars feel real, baby

Still selfishly refusing to tell us the whole story, right now, J.J. Abrams continues to discuss Star Wars in only the vaguest of terms, just because the script hasn’t been “written” yet, and the movie is still “two years away,” and other jerk excuses. But baby, J.J. Abrams knows how much you’ve been hurting. So in this briefest tease of an Entertainment Weekly interview, he lights a candle that makes a playful, aesthetically pleasing flicker across the lens of your eye, and whispers his soothing reassurances in your ear.

After declaring on bended knee, “We are working really hard to make a movie that feels as emotional and authentic and exciting as possible,” Abrams places a finger on the trembling lips of the Internet, cooing, “It’s been nice see that how important it is and to be reminded how important it is to so many people. We all know that [creator George Lucas'] dream has become almost a religion to some people. I remember reading a thing somewhere, someone wrote about just wanting [the new film] to feel real; to feel authentic.” And so, with an empathetic, soulful tear presumably in his eye, Abrams adds, “I remember I felt that way when I was 11 years old when I saw the first one. As much of a fairy tale as it was, it felt real. And to me, that is exactly right.” It is so, so right.

So relax, baby. Hush up your worrying. Tonight, J.J. Abrams is gonna make it feel real. He’s gonna make it feel right. He’s gonna drape you in only the smoothest, silkiest film stock. He’s gonna give you only the most practical of effects, coaxed and manipulated by two strong hands. And if you let him, he’s gonna make sure your space opera has only the most authentic of laser battles and discussions about intergalactic trade negotiations, until you stagger out of the theater, your legs quivering from verisimilitude.   

Tonight, he’s gonna make you believe in spaceships again.