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John Travolta to come out as a gummy bear

According to numerous sources, John Travolta is now an active member of the gummy bear community, having recently signed on to voice the lead in the upcoming film Gummy Bear. Not to be confused with the Disney Gummi Bears cartoon, nor the Haribo candy it was based on, Gummy Bear is known stateside as Gummibär, where the Crazy Frog-like viral sensation is rarely talked about, except among those whose proclivities are more, shall we say, “European.” But overseas, in certain discos, and in videos secreted away on cell phones, Gummibär is enjoyed by lovers of his dance-pop pride anthems such as “I’m A Gummy Bear (The Gummy Bear Song),” and soon he’ll star in his own animated film, written by Bad Boys’ George Gallo, where he’ll fight to save an alien planet with the help of "a vegetarian vampire bat, a cat, and a chameleon." Given Gummibär’s frequent, inappropriate pantslessness, surprise crotch-grabbing, preoccupation with distant alien civilizations, and tendency to find himself in sticky situations, he’s already being praised as John Travolta’s most personal role yet.  

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