Second only to the divisively glowing accolades accorded to Kanye West’s new album and then, somewhere down here, Korea, nothing has lit up the Internet in the past 24 hours quite like the news that Warner Bros. is planning on doing a new Buffy The Vampire Slayer film minus everything that people like about Buffy—such as the supporting characters, the actors that play them, and seven seasons’ worth of storylines. But chief among the complaints is the fact that Buffy’s creator, Joss Whedon, won’t be involved at all, with an as-yet-unproven actress-turned-screenwriter named Whit Anderson promising a script that was heavy on empowerment and Buffy's struggle between her destiny and vulnerability, yet doing so without even the most minor of hints that Anderson can be funny, like, at all. Which is another thing people enjoy about Buffy.
Anyway, while the Internet spent yesterday gnawing its own limbs in frustration, Joss Whedon put his thoughts about the reboot into this e-mail sent to E! News, one that’s full of typically Whedonesque sarcasm, and further reminders as to why a new, Whedon-less Buffy is a dire prospect indeed.
This is a sad, sad reflection on our times, when people must feed off the carcasses of beloved stories from their youths—just because they can't think of an original idea of their own, like I did with my Avengers idea that I made up myself.
Obviously I have strong, mixed emotions about something like this. My first reaction upon hearing who was writing it was, "Whit Stillman AND Wes Anderson? This is gonna be the most sardonically adorable movie EVER." Apparently I was misinformed. Then I thought, "I'll make a mint! This is worth more than all my Toy Story residuals combined!" Apparently I am seldom informed of anything. And possibly a little slow. But seriously, are vampires even popular any more?
I always hoped that Buffy would live on even after my death. But, you know, AFTER. I don't love the idea of my creation in other hands, but I'm also well aware that many more hands than mine went into making that show what it was. And there is no legal grounds for doing anything other than sighing audibly. I can't wish people who are passionate about my little myth ill. I can, however, take this time to announce that I'm making a Batman movie. Because there's a franchise that truly needs updating. So look for The Dark Knight Rises Way Earlier Than That Other One And Also More Cheaply And In Toronto, rebooting into a theater near you.
Leave me to my pain! Sincerely, Joss Whedon.
Fortunately for Joss, there's now a Twitter campaign dedicated to stopping the reboot, which is just slightly more effective a strategy than sighing audibly.