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Judge rules that Hayden Christensen should shut up, specifically about creating USA's Royal Pains

Hayden Christensen and his brother Tove have lost their lawsuit against the USA Network, filed last year in an attempt to claim rightful credit to the basic-cable-popular show Royal Pains. As we previously reported, the Christensens alleged that they had taken a 2005 meeting with a USA executive in order to pitch a show titled Housecall, concerning a Malibu “concierge” doctor to the rich, famous, and otherwise better than proles who have to make office visits. The brothers say they were told they had a “fascinating idea” but never heard anything further, only to turn on their televisions in 2009 and find Mark Feuerstein strutting around the Hamptons and tending to the East Coast upper crust.

Unfortunately for them, a Manhattan federal judge has ruled that the brothers’ claim of breach-of-contract is unsubstantiated, and that it ultimately concerns “materials that are not copyrightable, such as ideas.” But I think we all know the real reason for the judge’s dismissal: Seething hatred of the Star Wars prequels and, perhaps more importantly, knee-jerk reaction to “Tove,” which sounds like the name of a spoiled little Norse prince, his moon-face perpetually covered in scone crumbs and smears of blackberry jam, who tortures stray whelps for his own amusement. "Come to supper, Tove!" Ugh. We’d dismiss it too.

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