Relentless in his quest for new worldly experiences that he can #swag in front of, Justin Bieber continued his European campaign by marching into Anne Frank’s house, in what is proving to be its second-most controversial invasion. Like most modern-day visitors to the cramped Amsterdam home where the Jewish teenager hid from the Nazis with her family, keeping a diary of dreams that would go tragically unrealized after she died in a concentration camp, Justin Bieber was struck anew by the horrors of the Holocaust, which ended the lives of millions who would never hear the music of Justin Bieber. “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber,” Bieber wrote in the museum’s guestbook, putting into words what so many feel but rarely say, because they generally take a few seconds to think about what they’re writing first.
Sadly, much like Frank and her family, Bieber has since found himself persecuted for his Beliebfs: After news of what Bieber wrote caused something of an Internet uproar, the Anne Frank House press office commented, “He’s 19, it’s a strange life he’s living. It wasn’t very sensible but he didn’t mean bad,” thus symbolically providing him asylum within the very tiny space that is Justin Bieber’s worldview outside of Justin Bieber. Others have also rightly pointed out that Anne Frank kept photos of other pop idols of the day, and very likely could have been a Justin Bieber fan had typhus not ended her days of hauling rocks and avoiding the gas chambers in a rat-infested death camp. Indeed, she probably would have really liked “U Smile,” which has the sort of infectious melody that doesn’t give you typhus.
Maintaining a brave face similar to that of his biggest dead fan, Bieber has yet to offer further comment on his Anne Frank visit, no doubt already moving on to other areas of the world inhabited by people who could have been touched by his music, had only they not died. “Really inspiring to stand here on the site of the Hindenburg disaster,” a future Bieber missive might read. “Those people really never said never, so it’s too bad they all exploded. Oh the Biebmanity!” and so on.