Justin Bieber just likes butts

Justin Bieber just likes butts

 Is a "butt guy"

Having reversed the role of protector and protected, demonstrated his dominance through territorial aggression, spread his seed so that it may multiply, reshaped the earth to his liking, and graduated high school, Justin Bieber is officially a man now, a maturation that was recently made official by Bieber's own manful decree. "I am a man now," Bieber recently declared to Showbiz Spy, as well as the morning air and any neighboring, trembling virgins. "I’ve become more mature and a whole lot more grown up," he continued, speaking in the exact sort of self-assured terms employed by all adults on a daily basis, adding that part of being so grown up now is the fact that he doesn't have to obey his parents, because he is a man. "I could shock them, too," Bieber said with a manful pride, practically daring anyone to stop him. (They cannot.)

Having thus sounded his barbaric yawp across the roofs of the world, Bieber has now moved on to expressing his manly desires—essentially baring his teeth and beating his chest to claim a proper mate for breeding, as was done by all of Justin Bieber's primordial man ancestors. And like them, Justin Bieber recognizes the importance of an ample carriage to receive his man essence: "I think I’m a butt guy," Bieber tells Q Magazine, summing up his innate attraction with, "I just like butts." Pressed to name a favorite butt of all the butts he covets, now that he has put away childish things and taken out butts, Bieber proclaimed, "Nicki Minaj has got a nice one." Minaj's butt—along with all butts—are now fairly warned: They are well within Justin Bieber's dominion as not merely a "butt guy," but a butt man

Filed Under: Music

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