Serious artist Justin Bieber—amid the scurrilous rumors spread by a provincial gutter press, based on their narrow-minded adherence to photographs and words—recently announced his retirement from music, signaling his embarking on a new career in broader, even more obnoxious forms of art.
Of late, Bieber’s more confrontational, avant-garde explorations in being irritating have included: peeing in a mop bucket, challenging the conventional notion of mop buckets not having some kid’s piss in them; spray-painting monkey and penguin graffiti, representing the idea that celebrities are trapped just like zoo animals, and also that Justin Bieber thinks penguins are dope; and haunting a Brazilian brothel dressed as a spooky ghost, a stand-in for the lingering specter of society’s prudishness about prostitution, and the classic Freudian connection between death and banging bitches. It also included not actually retiring from music, his most antagonistic artistic statement yet.
Knowing that the revolution begins at your $6.5 million-dollar home, Bieber’s latest piece involves throwing two-dozen eggs at his neighbor’s house—eggs being a symbol of birth, of course. Bieber, the Internet’s hatchling, has left the nest, preparing to spread his swaggy wings and be fly. And in this shaky, amateur video captured by his neighbor’s 13-year-old daughter (and obtained by TMZ), you can hear the sound of an artist being reborn. It sounds like splattering eggs, and Justin Bieber yelling, “Fuck you!”
Police are currently investigating possible vandalism charges for Bieber, with his neighbor estimating the damage done to his house at around $400. But who would dare levy a fine on artistic renewal? Only a bunch of chickens, and Justin Bieber just symbolically smashed two dozen of them.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org