Continuing the general amiability that has characterized the parting of ways between Two And A Half Men and Charlie Sheen, the CBS sitcom has confirmed plans to bring back Sheen’s deceased character as a ghost harbored in the body of Kathy Bates—a casting decision that was no doubt seen as diplomatic, given that Bates is an Oscar winner and not, say, a cow’s vagina with glued-on googly eyes. Frankly, we're not even sure how you'd get into the logistics of that, and then PETA would just get involved. So instead, Bates will channel Sheen during an April 30 episode of the show, wherein Jon Cryer’s character suffers a minor heart attack and lands in the hospital, where they keep all the catheter jokes. It’s also where he’s visited by Bates-as-Sheen, whose return presumably provides a sense of closure by letting him know that death is but a window to a new life in the most ironic physical form the universe's writing staff can conceive, provided that physical form isn't busy taping Harry's Law. Anyway, fans will note that this marks only the second time in the past several months that the show has “channeled” Sheen’s character, because it doesn't need him.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org