A.V. Club Most Read

News Newswire Great Job, Internet!
TV Club All Reviews What's On Tonight
Video All Video A.V. Undercover A.V. Cocktail Club Film Club
Reviews All Reviews Film TV Music Books
Features All Features Newswire TV Club Classic
Sections Film Tv Music Food Comedy Books Games Aux
Our Company About Us Contact Advertise Privacy Policy Careers RSS
Onion Inc. Sites The Onion The A.V. Club ClickHole Onion Studios
Get The Latest

Keith Moon refuses to play London Olympics closing ceremony on account of being dead

With typical rakish selfishness, Keith Moon has turned down an offer to be a part of the upcoming London Olympics, citing a very busy schedule of being dead. Moon—who has spent the past 34 years lying immobile, slowly decreasing in mass, and not releasing any new music of note—was approached by Olympics organizers to participate in the August 12 closing ceremony event, the Symphony Of Rock, “a celebration of British pop culture” that will involve a thousand men dressed as the Queen performing the Herman’s Hermits tune “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter” before dropping their knickers, or something like that. In response, The Who’s longtime manager Bill Curbishley emailed organizers saying, “Keith now resides in Golders Green crematorium, having lived up to the Who's anthemic line 'I hope I die before I get old” (implicitly condemning Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend for their failure to do the same). Of course, these days “being dead” is no longer much of an excuse.

Submit your Newswire tips here.