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Kirk Cameron had a righteous birthday party

Jesus was but a humble carpenter, and so his chosen servant Kirk Cameron walks a similar path of modesty, celebrating his birthday in the least grandiose or “fun” way possible. The meek shall inherit the Earth, after all—and before that they shall inherit the Subway footlongs, especially during the season of Anytober—because their true reward awaits in Heaven, where they will get to order pizza (Luke 6:23). Until then, the righteous man needs but his daily bread stacked with a trio of cold cuts, a bounty of random salad dressing, a small cake, half a bottle of juice, and the grudging company of a few good friends and/or office assistants and/or tormented spirits of long-dead office assistants who reappear whenever there is cake. So sayeth the Lord, who also said he might stop by later. [via Buzzfeed]

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