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Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac is coming all over America next year

Ending months of wondering when the U.S. would get to see Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac in anything besides trailers fleetingly glimpsed before they’re removed from YouTube, or the floating O-face of Udo Kier we now see whenever we close our eyes, today we finally have our release. Nymphomaniac: Part One is set to open in theaters on March 21, to be followed on April 18 by Nymphomaniac: Part Two, in which we’ll presumably learn more about how Shia LaBeouf’s penis journeyed from Sicily to make its name on the mean streets of New York. As with Melancholia, both films will get advance VOD premieres on March 6 and April 3, respectively, which will be Americans’ first taste of von Trier’s many jumbled food-sex metaphors. (Unless you buy that story about a Florida movie theater accidentally screening some Nymphomaniac scenes before Frozen, even though you probably shouldn’t.) And that way, you can watch it from the comfort of your own whoring beds

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