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Last Man Standing cries yee-haw, goes mutton busting

Also: New Hannibal and new Orphan Black

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Friday, April 25, and Saturday, April 26. All times are Eastern.

Last Man Standing (ABC, 8 p.m., Friday):
Hey, What’s On Tonight? Where our Lasties at? Because it’s time for the Last Man Standing finale, that’s why! How many times has the season finale of a show based its plot around mutton busting? Not very often, right? Okay, except for the fourth season of Mad Men, but didn’t we all agree to accept that was a dream and move on? Anyway, tonight, Eve goes to the prom, muttons are busted, and if you don’t know what that means, just phone one of our commenters who grew up in the Midwest. Operators are standing by.

Grimm (NBC, 9 p.m., Friday):
NBC sent us this week’s episode, so we’re guessing they have a lot of faith in it. Kevin McFarland will reward that faith by writing this review while cosplaying as his favorite Wesen. But he’s not going to post pictures of it or anything. That’s just nuts!

Hannibal (NBC, 10 p.m., Friday): This week’s case seems like it might be about a were-bear, but then it takes another turn. Molly Eichel was disappointed, because if there’s one thing better than a werewolf, it’s a were-bear. And if there’s one thing better than a were-bear, it’s a were-Care Bear. And if there’s one thing better than a were-Care Bear, it’s a were-Care Bear stare.

Orphan Black (BBC America, 9 p.m., Saturday): We had some concerns at the end of last week’s episode that the show was shooting its stakes right in the foot, but then, we saw this one, and a certain reveal made us cackle with glee. Caroline Framke did not cackle, as she is very solemn.

Babylon 5 (Friday, 11 a.m.):
It’s time for us to get back to writing Babylon 5 capsules, which means it’s time for us to get back to not having a goddamn clue what happens on this show, to Rowan Kaiser’s everlasting delight. This week, everybody onboard Babylon 5 meets Babylons 6 and 7, but not Babylon 9 because Babylon 7 ate 9.

We have a couple of interviews with some of TV’s funniest women. We start with Annie Zaleski’s Fan Up interview with The Big Bang Theory’s Mayim Bialik, which is about being a vegan. Then, Will Harris has time for some Firsties with legendary comedy writer and comedienne Carol Leifer.

Absolute Dance: From Work It To Twerk It (Fuse, 8 p.m., Friday):
Someday, the word twerk will be just a weird word you try to play in Scrabble, and then the person you’re playing with will say, “That’s not a word,” and you’ll sigh and have to remove your tiles.

Unforgettable (CBS, 8 p.m., Friday): This show is still on the air alert: This show is still on the air.

Celebrity Wife Swap (Lifetime, 9 p.m. Friday): Lorenzo Lamas and Andy Dick? Why, it must be our birthday, because we’ve never imagined our dreams coming so very true all at once!

Diners, Drive-Ins, And Dives (Food Network, 10 p.m., Friday): “MEATBALL! LOLLIPOPS!” screamed the hideous beast Fieri outside of Mama Giada’s Meatball Emporium, your place for meatballs on the Lower East Side. “Batten down the door!” said Tony, a server on his first shift. But it was too late. Guy Fieri had read the title of this week’s episode, “From Meatballs To Lollipops,” and had spun into a frothing rage of hunger. His claws scratched at the door as the Fieri beast threw himself over and over again at it. Tony winced, trying in vain to hold it closed. He was a 25-year-old power lifter pursuing his MBA at City College, but he was no match for the Fieri’s rapacious appetite. “MEATBALL LOLLIPOPS!” Fieri roared, finally battering the door in and scrabbling into the restaurant. “WITH DELICIOUS SAAAAUCE!” Tony died of his injuries.

We Could Be King (ESPN2, 8 p.m., Saturday): Filmmaker Jim Ehrlich chronicles the forced merger of two Philadelphia high school football teams after budget cuts removed the ability for both schools to have separate programs. Sounds like it could be heart-wrenching!

Guntucky (CMT, 9 p.m., Saturday): This might be the most accurately named program in television history. Now put the word “gun” into your state’s name. Weirdly, it works best with the states where guns are the most popular. Like Gun-ifornia doesn’t really work. But Gun Dakota? Absolutely.

The Bourne Ultimatum (Bravo, 8 p.m., Friday): After this movie, make sure to run around your home, punching everything you see in the face while your child, spouse, roommate, or dog follows you around at a run for an appropriately shaky-cam aesthetic.

Stoker (MoMax, 9 p.m., Friday): Oddly enough, this movie isn’t a Bram Stoker biopic. Also oddly enough, it was scripted by Prison Break star Wentworth Miller. And it’s also supposed to be pretty good! We haven’t seen it, so we can’t say.

Beauty And The Beast (TCM, 8 p.m., Saturday): Jean Cocteau’s stellar, haunting 1946 adaptation of the classic fairy tale is one of the best fantasy films ever made but also doesn’t feature any singing teapots, so your children probably won’t be interested. God, your kids are dumb, right?

NBA Playoff: Game 3: Bulls at Wizards (ESPN, 8 p.m., Friday): It’s been nothing but uphill for the Washington basketball team since it became the Wizards instead of the Bullets. Okay, that’s not strictly true, but it is still kind of nice to see them in the playoffs.

MLB Baseball: Cubs at Brewers (WGN, 8 p.m., Saturday): The Brewers are doing quite a bit better than just about anybody expected them to, and we expect that’s because of the influence of Hank the dog. There has never been a better baseball mascot/pet/thing than Hank the dog, and don’t you forget it.

Vikings (Thursday): As the season winds toward the close of another year of exciting Viking action, Dennis Perkins is pleased with how it’s been shaping up after a somewhat rough start. What exciting scrapes will the Vikings get into next year? And when will Fran Tarkenton join the show?