Following a year in which an interloping Paris Hilton prompted Robert Redford to complain that Sundance had become overrun by celebrities who are just there to “leverage their own self-interest,” this year’s festival has similarly been crashed by Lindsay Lohan, who arrived with her reality show cameras and, no doubt, some flimsy excuse that “Derek” invited her. (“Who the hell is Derek?” Redford probably hissed to his staff, as they all nervously pled ignorance.) Once inside Park City, Lohan nevertheless immediately set about making herself comfortable by holding a press conference where “reporters were told that if they asked personal questions, they would be escorted out,” as Lindsay Lohan didn’t come to Sundance surrounded by the crew from her Oprah-produced reality series and with no film showing at the festival just to make this about herself.
Instead, Lohan was there to do two things: 1) gaze hungrily at the mounds of snow while mentally carving them into pretty parallel lines—but no, that’s wrong; and 2) discuss her new film project, which may not be at Sundance or have even actually started shooting yet, but nevertheless, it’s still an honor for Lohan to use the festival whose name is synonymous with independent, forward-thinking cinema to discuss the latest career do-over for Lindsay Lohan. “I've never had the honor of coming here before ... to bring something to the table, which is starting fresh for me,” Lohan said, of this honor that had finally been bestowed upon her by Lindsay Lohan. “And I’m filming my Oprah docu-series right now, so I get to that to the people who have been watching that as well,” she added of the other thing that hasn’t actually happened, seeing as the show hasn’t even premiered.
But besides getting to that to the people, Lohan was more focused on getting to that to her other project that exists primarily as a notion right now: her latest “return” to acting, as the star and producer of a psychological thriller called Inconceivable. More than just a hilarious Abbott & Costello routine (“I heard Lindsay Lohan is starring in and producing another movie?” “Yes, it’s Inconceivable”), the film will star Lohan as “a woman trying to reclaim something that she’s lost.” Lohan added that she “related to the character in a lot of ways,” presumably then allowing the ensuing silence to envelop the room, as those assembled mused, indeed, on what she had lost—on what we have all lost, in allowing ourselves to be swept along by her promises time and again, only to see them swiftly dashed on the rocks of reality. On that note, Lohan named Juliette Lewis and Jessica Lange as two of her dream co-stars.
Lohan’s co-producer Randall Emmett, known for other dubious reboots like The Amityville Horror and Rambo, stood beside her to offer his support for Lohan’s comeback, saying audiences “are going to really be shocked when they see Lindsay take this role on”—a statement he meant in reference to her character in the movie, not necessarily to their being surprised by her having completed a role in a motion picture that actually got distribution. To that end, The Wrap reports that Lionsgate’s Grindstone imprint, the company behind many great movies staring 50 Cent, has reportedly picked up the film that currently has no director or co-stars, for a limited theatrical and VOD release. Although, it’s already accomplished the most important goal of any new Lindsay Lohan movie, by acting as a very public form of group therapy.
“It's therapeutic for me to throw myself into something that really excites me and something that I love to do so much," Lohan said. "There's nothing better than having seen all of your ideas and thoughts that you've been thinking about to come to fruition and to share that with people.” With that, Lohan left the conference, satisfied that she’d at last seen her ideas and thoughts about just showing up at Sundance to promote herself become a reality.