It’s time for the webmaster of IsLindsayLohanInJail.com to update his site (and also register it and actually put it on the Internet): The temporal loop that has trapped Lindsay Lohan for the last couple of years has wound its way back to the beginning, with Lohan once more being sentenced to serve time behind bars—30 days (for now), with an early release likely at six of those, if not mere minutes after arriving. Lohan was reportedly pleased with the decision—even muttering, “Thank God” as she left the courtroom, to which God replied, “Ayyyyy, no problem” with a giant thumbs-up before checking to see what’s happening in Libya—though she’ll really need to make the most of her second chance when she gets out. The judge made it clear that she doesn’t want to see anymore skipping out on community service or court-mandated therapy sessions from here on out, laying out a strict schedule for completion by March of next year, and threatening another 270 days in jail should Lohan violate her probation again. More welcome news for Lohan: The judge also postponed her sentence to allow her time to complete her ongoing Playboy shoot, thus saving her from indignity.
Send your Newswire tips to email@example.com