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Lindsay Lohan pays her debt to society in about four hours

With the flaming sword of justice once more leveled at Lindsay Lohan, she again took just the tip—reporting to a Los Angeles County jail to begin serving her 30 day sentence around 8:50 p.m. last night, then seeing release just under five hours later, due to prison overcrowding and Lohan’s abnormally accelerated rate of rehabilitation. After emerging around 1:40 a.m. and reorienting herself to the strange position of the moon—which confirmed that the world had simply moved on without her—Lohan began the long, slow process of readjusting to society, armed only with the skills she’d acquired inside, such as her deeper understanding of Jesus and a degree in water heater repair. Lohan is still required to complete her outstanding hours of community service and therapy sessions, of course, but her life is more or less her own again. It’s a story of redemption behind bars that, like Malcolm X, will one day make for a stirring autobiography, and more immediately a glib paragraph in Playboy, next to a photo of her vagina.

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