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Lindsay Lohan to earn respect, money with Playboy shoot

Denied the chance to show an increasingly cruel world her brave face, then smear ejaculate on it as porn star Linda Lovelace, Lindsay Lohan has chosen another path back into the public esteem and good graces by posing for Playboy, the magazine for gentlemen and their warm feelings. TMZ reports that Lohan will at last follow the suggested career trajectory laid out for her by so many an Internet commenter, a no doubt difficult decision made during a particularly low ebb in her personal life, one that’s seen her threatened with a return trip to jail and a stint scrubbing toilets in the L.A. county morgue. Lohan is already balancing those duties with shooting her photo spread, for which she’ll collect a sum just shy of $1 million—though much more importantly, the love and respect of an entire nation after standing boldly naked before them, an Aphrodite presenting herself to Paris for judgment before politely excusing herself to get to community service. Reached for comment, Lindsay Lohan muttered, “Marilyn did it, Marilyn did it” over and over again for about half an hour.

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