"Frankenstorm"—that looming allegory for the dangers of boundless science/ignoring science set to terrorize the villagers of the East Coast—has already driven our readers there into your beans-and-guns-stocked bunkers, or maybe onto the Midwestern farms where you're going to begin your new lives growing soybeans and tomatoes. Still, as its cutesy moniker and press conferences where Chris Christie calls you stupid suggest, not everyone is taking it as seriously as they should: Some, like Lindsay Lohan, are letting a smile be their cyclone-proof umbrella. Others are wearing horse heads and capering shirtless through the streets, in a more literal interpretation of Lindsay Lohan's thoughts.
But you know who doesn't think it's a laughing matter? Comedian Louis C.K., who canceled his Sunday night show in Manhattan out of concern that he may be putting his fans in danger, then wrote a nice letter about it that was republished on his blog. "I thought about this very carefully and I really started to worry about making 4300 people come into midtown manhattan on Sunday night, which is just when the stormatron 5000 is supposed to crush our empire," C.K. says, adding, "I know that a lot of people are excited to come and they are fine with taking the chance but I really don't want a pole to smash your face in because you saw some comedy."
In addition to saving your face, C.K. also saved you a seat at his rescheduled show on March 2—and because he is a super nice guy, "If you can't come on that night, we will either do another show soon after that, or find another show for you in the area in the future." You can email his ticket person here and tell her what you want to do, and also, of course, get a full refund if you so choose. Then he said this:
Listen. I know that probably it's going to be a starry clear night and the trains are going to be just gliding up and down the traks and a baby zebra is going to whinny as he trots by the City Center on a night that is going to break records for being placid and perfect for a night of comedy. And I'm going to feel like an asshole. And I know that some people had their plans set and are going to be pissed off at me. I know. but I also know that some of you are struggling with whether to come in or miss the show and this is the closest I can get to a solution. You don't have to take a chance and you don't have to miss the show. Just come see me in a few months.
If it's any consolation, I'm eating a pretty staggering fee for cancelling the show. But I can take it. What I can't take is the thought that there's a CHANCE 4300 people will be in danger trying to get home from my stupid show.
Anyway, add Louis C.K.'s conscientious concern for his fans to the bucket of reasons why he is a good dude. Then stop reading the Internet and get to safety already—and maybe empty out that bucket. You can use it for other, more important things.
Send your Newswire tips to firstname.lastname@example.org