In 2011, Mark Wahlberg opened a Boston-area burger joint named Wahlburgers, based on the night his friends pointed out that “berg” sort of sounded like “burger,” and Wahlberg laughed so fahking hard he made a TV show about hanging out with them that then became a movie. Then, seven years later, he decided maybe it could also be a restaurant. And now, inevitably, Wahlburgers will also be a reality series, after Mark Wahlberg announced that the show originally intended for the History Channel will instead debut on A&E, right after Duck Dynasty. Because Mark Wahlberg doesn’t live history; he makes it. Also, something about the arts, which Mark will arguably stop practicing for a moment to rejoin his brothers Donnie and chef Paul, as they finally realize their lifelong dream of working food service in Boston.
Along for the ride is the boys’ mother, Alma, and what the press release calls Wahlberg’s “original entourage,” including Henry “Nacho” Laun, Mark’s former “partner-in-crime”-in-what-is-probably-not-a-playful-euphemism Billy Leonard, and “the real Johnny ‘Drama,’” whose own humorous stabs at trading on reflected glory will likewise prove a delightful side dish to the slabs of comical meat. Hopefully one of the episodes will find Mark Wahlberg scrolling through his restaurant's mediocre Yelp reviews, fuming as he threatens to find the guy who said his burgers were too small and offer to top it with his fist.