The house that serves as the Dunphy clan’s home on Modern Family—at least for exterior shots—is up for sale. For $2.3 million, you and your family will have the perfect place to be outlandishly passive-aggressive to each other for comedic purposes, at least until the last couple minutes of each half-hour, during which you will remember how much you love each other.
So, yes, we can all enjoy the fantasy of being the Dunphys, but the real highlight here is the bubbly prose that accompanies the property listing. It’s the kind of writing that should be put in a jar and sold next to the register at a Yankee Candle store.
Your regular Joe Punchclock might be content to say that the house makes a nice first impression. But the high-powered scribe at LA Luxury Real Estate takes us on a journey:
With crafted crown molding, rich and warm, solid mahogany hardwood floors throughout, and a wonderfully traditional and sturdy mahogany banister and staircase to greet us, it’s no wonder we feel a figurative, yet welcoming, first-impression hug. Turning to our immediate left, we venture into the comfortably formal living room. An oxymoron, yes, but the current homeowner’s golden doodle, “Maddie” shows us what comfy really looks like.
Then there’s a picture of the dog. Later, the writer gets worked up into such a froth that they go right ahead and issue a self-invitation to prospective buyers:
Just one door down, at the beginning of the hallway, is the first en suite bedroom that features a large closet with built-ins and a bathroom with custom marble tile, cherry cabinetry and Newport Brass bath fixtures. (I secretly wonder if the new owners wouldn’t mind opening a bed and breakfast, me being their first guest.)
Creepy emphasis original. We encounter moments of drama:
There is a noticeable gasp as we enter the master bedroom.
And the listing concludes with a bit of neighborhood flavor as the writer recasts this corner of L.A. as a one-horse town in North Carolina:
Before we hop back into our cars, we’re met and told by passersby that this part of LA is their “little island”; where block parties and “welcome wagons”, old school customs that beckon back memories of towns like Mayberry, still exist. Clear your calendars and drive on over for your personal tour and the opportunity to purchase this fabulous home. Who knows? When you hear that places like 10336 Dunleer Drive only exist in television, you can say yours absolutely does.
“It absolutely does what?” you may ask. But that’s the wrong question. It just absolutely does. [via Uproxx]