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Morrissey gets the Staples Center to go completely vegetarian

 Staples Center can't stop thinking about bacon

It was only yesterday that Morrissey was forced to cancel yet more shows, due to what he termed the “slightly embarrassing absence of blood” brought about by his bothersome bleeding ulcer—a condition that continues to disappoint fans yet delight blogs who can use “Still Ill” in their headline. But as the vibrant, typical wryness of his apology suggested, Morrissey still has enough blood to angry up when it comes to matters of meat-eating, hence the announcement that, for the first time ever, Los Angeles’ Staples Center will go completely vegetarian if and when a fully recovered Morrissey plays there on March 1.

In what Morrissey calls “a victory for the animals,” the venue has agreed to ban all sales of “flesh for food” within its walls (flesh for fantasy is still okay), while promoters will also donate a portion of ticket sales to PETA. The first six rows will also feature a petting zoo; seats will be replaced by giant lettuce leaves, etc. Anyway, it’s a request that the Staples Center previously denied to Paul McCartney, who is probably asking, “What am I—chopped liver?” before soberly informing those nearby of the cruelties of the liver-chopping industry. And it’s one that means that March 1 will see an unprecedented number of concertgoers smuggling in flasks of beef.  

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